eH1N1 How not to get eSick!

Day 726, 21:25 • Published in Canada Canada • by Lord Penguin

Yay! The eFlu season is almost here, now I can exploit people with sensationalist news!
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Oh you’re here... *cough*

In other news, 300 cases of eH1N1 have been reported in your town, and officals have stated that that number could rise to 3000 in the next few hours.
Officials also said people should take special precautions when dealing with eH1N1, their spokesman had this to say.
"We here at S.C.A.R.E (Standardize Communal Agency for Responses to Emergencies) have done extensive research into eH1N1 and have concluded for it . . . be deadly" he went on to say that "people should ... be [very] scared"
To get the general consensus on the streets, we went to New Hope Hospital's mental center, and talked to the crazy Nam Veteran. "The world is going to end, just you wait, I saw it in Nam, its going to end!" said Cole a sergeant from Vietnam, who has been deemed mentally insane.

Also related to eH1N1, the pharmaceutical company, Happy Popin Time, have finished production on the new drug 'Rippoffalll' their spokesman had this to say at a press releases "Rippoffalll has been clinically proven to fight eH1N1, it will be provided to the public for an nominal fee (2 gold) and shows no signs of dependency..." he finished very quickly, "... as long as your addicted to crack" then went of the stage to be swarmed by people wanting to buy Rippoffalll. The company excepts to be sold out with the next few days as supplies a very limited.

This is James McNamara with Sulphuric Times, and this it the end of today’s news. Also have a happy day, but you probably won’t because you most likely get eH1N1 and have to buy Rippoffall.