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Hello and welcome to another edition of Dinner & Discussion with Dartreal. I am your host, Dartreal, and I welcome you to my home.

Tonight, I’m proud to present my interview with Ines Schumacher. Born and raised in eSouth Africa, Ines was one of the reasons why eSouth Africa was put back on the map after it was conquered by eBrazil and eIndonesia. She’s served two terms as eSouth Africa’s President and has fought off countless “invasions” from people looking to take the little jewel of eAfrica for themselves. Fresh off the plane from eSouth Africa, here’s Ines having a discussion over dinner with me, Dartreal.



Tonight’s guest: Ines Schumacher.
Tonight’s meal: Babies.
Tonight’s tune: Mozart’s 7th Symphony

Dartreal: Ines thanks for joining me for dinner and a discussion. So how has dinner been?

Ines Schumacher: Pathetic. The dinner that I desire requires the hearts of eAustralians!

Dartreal: Umm… huh?

Ines Schumacher: Foolish mortal! I have allowed the eBrazilians to march to your shores so that I may drink your blood and feast on your flesh! I wish for the legions of the eBrazilian Empire to annihilate all eAustralians from the face of this eWorld! You deserve no place in my presence!

Dartreal: Well… I guess dessert is out of the question?

Ines Schumacher: And when the blood-soaked clouds part from the battlefield, there shall only be the maimed bodies of my enemies! Victorious shall my armies be and forever will your people suffer!

Dartreal: Umm… well thanks for coming to dinner. See you around.

*Dartreal runs out of the room.*

Dartreal: Someone call a God damn exorcist!

I’m sure that is what some people were hoping to read, but unfortunately it isn’t. This dinner with Ines Schumacher was held a day before eBrazil declared war on us. The dinner and discussion that you are about to witness happens in a period when Ines Schumacher was well liked by everyone, including us eAustralians. So in a way this is perhaps the last dinner, a memorial if you will, of the Ines Schumacher we all once knew and loved. Let’s have a look eAustralia.



Tonight’s guest: Ines Schumacher.
Tonight’s meal: Mushroom Risotto.
Tonight’s tune: Mozart’s 7th Symphony

Dartreal: Ines thanks for joining me for dinner and a discussion.

Ines Schumacher: Thanks for the invite. It was a long flight to Australia but I made it!

Dartreal: Was the flight ok? Nothing too bumpy I hope.

Ines Schumacher: I'm terrified of flying but what I won't do for food.

Dartreal: What wouldn't you do for a meal?

Ines Schumacher: Strip, sorry to disappoint. Haha!

Dartreal: Me? Disappointed? I wouldn't think of such a thing I'm a gentleman my dear lady.

Ines Schumacher: Oh sorry, I'm used to the guys we have in South Africa, hehe.

Dartreal: Speaking of food, how are you finding dinner?

Ines Schumacher: The food is delicious, did you make it yourself?

Dartreal: Of course I did, and by that I had my chefs make it for me.

Ines Schumacher: Haha, that was probably for the best!

Dartreal: Well with dinner out of the way let's get down to some discussion. Let's talk eSouth African liberation, a very important thing in your country's eHistory. You were the one responsible for it going through?

Ines Schumacher: Yeah, I guess you could say that. I was the one leading the discussions with eBrazil and eIndonesia. Given our history with eIndonesia, our talks with eBrazil were a bit more fruitful. But eIndonesia came around eventually as you can see with the return of Eastern Cape and KZN.

Dartreal: Yes eIndonesia isn’t on everyone's friends list. eSouth Africa has had some rough times since it was reborn. Why do you think so many people want to take over control of eSouth Africa?

Ines Schumacher: Search me. I think about that question a lot and I have no idea. Maybe as the only eAfrican country we look like an easy target? People tend to think we have lions running around in the streets here and we all live in mud huts which is about as far from the truth as saying all Australians have koalas for pets.

Dartreal: And it's like saying we have kangaroos hopping around our streets... which is actually true.

Ines Schumacher: Haha! We have donkies?

Dartreal: Do you?

Ines Schumacher: Yeah in the streets. Maybe not in the big capitals but definitely elsewhere.



Dartreal: How interesting. Going back to those who tried and failed to take over eSouth Africa, let's talk about someone you know very well. Let's talk about someone who I know you love SOOOO much: Ajay Bruno. Have you spoken to him since his failed PTO attempt many months ago?

Ines Schumacher: Ugh, I get a rash every time I hear that name. No we haven't spoken, we hardly ever spoke. I don't engage with fail trolls. It's just useless trying to speak to people like that. They're out to ruin the eWorld for other people and won't have their minds changed. Or they're just seriously deluded.

Dartreal: I thought you would still harbor negative feelings for him after all the misery he brought to eSouth Africa, and I completely agree with you. Question: How much would it take for me to pay you to eMarry Ajay Bruno?

Ines Schumacher: Haha. I don’t think he calls himself that anymore. Last I heard he changed his name to Winston Churchill and is living in the eUK. I also heard he’s the ePope of the eVatican as well. He’s a man of many faces.

Dartreal: Disguises or not, how much would it take to pay you? $10 Million?

Ines Schumacher: Australian dollars? I don't think so!

Dartreal: Hey now our currency is getting stronger by the day? $15 Million then?

Ines Schumacher: Turn that 'm' into a 'b' and I might consider it. As long as you supply me with a year's supply of antibacterial mouthwash as well.

Dartreal: That's a very big asking price! I'm surprised you even said you would marry him after what you've been through with him.

Ines Schumacher: Well I could use the money. And you didn’t say I’d have to stay eMarried to him!

Dartreal: Very smart. Let's move on and ask the question that's on many people's minds: Are you eSingle?

Ines Schumacher: Yeah I am. I was eMarried but I'm an eWidow after my eHusband was executed for breaking the law. Silly man.

Dartreal: He doesn't sound like a very good person if he was executed.

Ines Schumacher: He was a good person, maybe not a good eCitizen, hehe.

Dartreal: Well it sounds like you need a new eMan in your life. Maybe you should go out with someone smart. Someone who has their own newspaper. Someone who is an eAustralian and is a very charming young man...

Ines Schumacher: Being eSingle helps with negotiations, plus aren't eSouth Africans and eAustralians meant to dislike each other? Well… at least in eRugby, haha!

Dartreal: But if you were eMarried to a handsome, young eAustralian who is the Owner and Chief Editor of a newspaper it could make our relationships stronger!

Ines Schumacher: A public proposal takes a lot of guts!

Dartreal: And I'm ready to accept when you're ready to ask! I mean… I'm sure that person would...

Ines Schumacher: Haha!

Dartreal: Oh boy it's a bit hot in here. More wine?

Ines Schumacher: Yes please, have we finished the whole bottle already?

Dartreal: Yes we have and there's plenty more wine where that came from. Lovely bottles from a nice little vineyard in eFrance.

Ines Schumacher: I'm enjoying it.



Dartreal: I'm happy you are. Let's talk about something else that many people might not know. You're a vegetarian yes?

Ines Schumacher: Yes I am. Some of the eSouth African community knows about it and tease me about it all the time. We're a very meat-loving eNation.

Dartreal: How much would it take for me to pay you to eat a steak?

Ines Schumacher: You're all about the bribery and corruption aren't you? Hehe. I wouldn't eat a steak no matter what you paid me

Dartreal: I merely ask the questions the public want to hear my dear lady. You wouldn't eat a piece of steak for any price I offered? Not even $100 million?

Ines Schumacher: Even if it's just a piece - an animal had to die rather painfully for that piece. You can't put a price on a life, unless you're a bounty hunter.

Dartreal: I respect that and I admire your cause for not eating meat. ...$500 Million!?

Ines Schumacher: Nope.

Dartreal: You're shipwrecked on a deserted island that is made entirely out of meat: the trees, the sand, the rocks, even the fruit! Everything is made from meat and you don't know when you'll be rescued. Are you telling me you wouldn't start eating the island because it's made from meat?

Ines Schumacher: No, I'd eat it. That's survival. I admire people who would kill an animal themselves and eat every piece of it, nothing going to waste. But in today's eConsumer culture we have the animals killed for us. It's cowardly. And we don't have to eat meat, there are plenty of other things to eat.

Dartreal: Like humans.

Ines Schumacher: Especially the children! Haha!

Dartreal: Would you eat a human if the option was there?

Ines Schumacher: Apparently human meat tastes like chicken. Did you ever hear about that eGerman butcher who sold human meat and people loved his meat? Obviously he didn't say it was human meat.

Dartreal: Really? He told me it was when I bought some the other day. And it's a bit sweeter than chicken I can tell you.

Ines Schumacher: Good to know.

Dartreal: So would you eat human?

Ines Schumacher: No. Would you for… for $500 million?

Dartreal: I think I pointed out that I shopped at that butcher's shop knowing the meat he sold was from a human! Haha! I'd do it for free!

Ines Schumacher: Hahaha!



Dartreal: Care for some coffee or tea before we finish off our evening?

Ines Schumacher: Some tea would be nice. Do you make it yourself or do your chefs make it?

Dartreal: No we bought it from a shop.

Ines Schumacher: I'll have some then, hehe.

Dartreal: Oh you tease!

Ines Schumacher: Haha!

Dartreal: Well let's finish off our discussion with a fun game of Word Assoication! Are you ready to play?

Ines Schumacher: Oh yes!

Dartreal: I say a word and you say the first thing that pops into your head. Here we go. X-Box 360.
Ines Schumacher: Games.

Dartreal: Zombies.
Ines Schumacher: Shaun of the Dead.

Dartreal: Tap Dancing Shoes.
Ines Schumacher: River dance?

Dartreal: About to go to bed and finding Ajay Bruno under the covers.
Ines Schumacher: Gun… Bullet… Blood, his not mine… and a funeral with no one attending.

Dartreal: Remind me not to get in your bad books. Ines Schumacher.
Ines Schumacher: Chocolate.

Dartreal: And finally, Dartreal.
Ines Schumacher: Lulz!

Dartreal: Thank you for joining me for dinner Ines all the way from eSouth Africa. I hope you've enjoyed yourself and I hope you have a safe trip back home!

Ines Schumacher: I had great fun, thanks for having me over. My flight isn't until tomorrow morning, what do we do till then? *wink wink*

Dartreal: Oh I think I know a few things we can do. I've got the house all to myself so I think the two of us should go to my bedroom and... redecorate my room. Its a few years past it's prime and needs a face lift. Wanna help?

Ines Schumacher: Sounds like a plan!

Dartreal: Excellent, I'll get the wallpaper!

Ines Schumacher: I'll get the glue!

I must say eAustralia, it was the best room decorating I’ve ever done in my life. Ines really knows how to handle wallpaper. We decorated all night long! Seriously, I’ve never seen the room look so good before! I’ll be sure to fire my interior designer next time I see him. I’d suggest you all give Ines a call if you need to decorate your eHome. Join me next time for another addition of Dinner & Discussion with Dartreal. Until then I’m Dartreal - dine fine Australia.