Caffeinate Me (for sanity's sake)

Day 2,078, 12:28 • Published in South Africa South Africa • by Luc Praetor
Republished for sanity's sake

After a long day of clicking twenty five times, just when you thought you could kick back and relax at home, or at your favourite watering hole, here arrives cleverly packaged orange energy bars, and they are thrust into your face by eAdmins.

Effects
"It has the opposite effect of what you want on a laid-back Friday evening", complains cr4ft3r. "Suddenly you find yourself your garage, waxing your eCar, cutting the lawn, and painting your 50+Health building... That's just too much energy expended!"

"What about the inference that these could be used within the community to keep those eyes open after a long night of trolling?", comments Ex Banned'it. "PTOers would be swarming on it as would flies!"

Yet, energetic Mezu keeps going on hard (*cough*, erm) with his wild antics when in battle each evening. But he uses his own special energy bar, "Mezu Scmezu Plus".

"One bite of this stuff will make you bounce off the walls!", claims Mezu while on a battle break from his own military campaign. "It has electrolytes", he reaffirms for the upteenth time.

But what are electrolytes?
Die Ware Naboom did some pop culture research, and uncovered this piece of testimony from an okay movie:
Pvt. Joe Bowers: What *are* these electrolytes? Do you even know?
Secretary of State: They're... what they use to make Brawndo!
Pvt. Joe Bowers: But why do they use them to make Brawndo?
Secretary of Defense: [raises hand after a short pause] "Because Brawndo's got electrolytes..."
~ Excerpt from Idiocracy, Editor

"I eat two bars during the battle-pause and I have to get back on duty Prelen-style when other eR citizens join in."

Mezu admits to staying up all night, but he assures us that he will be able to sleep when he is dead.

"That's me, the weirdo, living on the energy kicks of the young. You get called an old bastard, you spike another that melts your Q5 tank. This stuff is crazy." [Pause] "Nice unicorn, by the way."

My personal friend, the late Ines Schumacher, always donated the proceeds of her profits from selling her 'Magic Crud' bars to charity, and that's what I'm going to do with the sales of a product from my own holding company, Tiger Brands Yeoville (Pty) Ltd. The product will be named 'Jou-Ma-Se-Energy-Bar' and I will send 12.05% of the gross profits to less fortunate eCitizens.

"I myself, am sending some energy bars to eCongress. For example Free State's frequently famed father, Frank Furglar, and even eCongresspony Twilight Sparkle, will both begin acting more like Miyagiyoda after they've ingested enough of this stuff. This will rocket Miyagi's ass off that chair and have him partying till he has a seizure, or declares total war", confirms Luc Praetor.

No ePresidents were harmed in the writing of this article. ~ Editor

Yep, this is a bad idea waiting for a law suit.
~ Another article consumed for eRepublik use