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Issue #125



Upon returning, I checked my messages. They were all from a former acquaintance. He's a little bit of a douche-bag, so I walked a couple of blocks away from my Brother's House and returned his call.

-Jimmy Cincinnati-
@; It's Jimmy. You called?

-Mc Cruise-
Hey Motherfu@#er; I saw you on TV.

-Jimmy Cincinnati-
Nonsense, there's no way I could be compelled to fu@# your mother.

-Mc Cruise-
That's good to know.
Did you ever work things out with those concert promoters?

-Jimmy Cincinnati-
You know that I'm married, with children. I'm broke.

-Mc Cruise-
I don't "KNOW" anything. You haven't talked to me in years.
Did you know they put a Hit on you?

-Jimmy Cincinnati-
I figured they would. They have more money than brains, because I know exactly where they'll be.

-Mc Cruise-
You are enjoying 5 seconds of fame? I don't think I'm the only person who could have recognized you.

-Jimmy Cincinnati-
I don't even need to explain, over the phone, why I'm cool. So, did the news say whether or not that guy lived?

-Mc Cruise-
The guy that you rescued? Yes; he is alive. Don't you watch the news?

-Jimmy Cincinnati-
I am the news.

-Mc Cruise-
LOL! You're an idiot.


Most people don't know that a good portion of the country is on in flames or recently burned. The people living in the engulfed areas seem oblivious.
Apparently, the forestry services sets fire to areas, in order to prevent a catastrophe.

After the journey home, we noticed a suspicious car at the house. I was driving a rental, so I took the family to her sister in law's and sneaked back around.
The two shady goons in the car weren't doing anything, so I decided to go around back of my house and turn the lights on. if they came at me, I'd use an Old Double Barrel named Grandad, to fill the doorway with buckshot.

They weren't moving, so I got a little more courage. I locked up Grandad and grabbed Betsy. I put on a long sleeve shirt and slipped Betsy into my beltline. Then, I walked to garage and climbed into the Mustang. I drove away and looked back, to see if I was being followed.

They started the car and were right on me. I grabbed Betsy, took the safety off and pulled the hammer back.
I remember thinking that I should have brought more ammo, before I saw the red white and blue lights.

That probably would have been the end of my story, if I hadn't gotten a presidential pardon.
Thanks again, Hussein!




Editor's Note:
A couple of days ago, members called for me to run on the presidential ballot.
I've sunk more into that campaign, than meets the eye and I wasn't as creative with the article with as I'd have liked.
I've been at this for years so please stay subscribed. There's more to come. Good Luck to all the participants of the literary contest!