Join the new world

This is my English Controlled assessment, I though that some of you may like to read it, so here it is:

Some refer to the 21st century as being the ultimate century with the answer to everything, with cutting edge technologies to help us. So how it is in this brand new shiny era those ancient relics of society still exist? Football, somehow has survived the passing of time whereas: dinosaurs, the black and white TV and the dodo have not? Isn’t it about time that another exhibit of ancient history is rendered extinct?!
So what is football? The answer to that is very simple: a group of overpaid numpties running around after a ball and going for a goal (more often than not a pile of knotted string), but wait that isn’t it alone; the exciting twist is that they use their feet! As you can see it’s not that interesting- some may try to mask it by saying, “lots of skill goes into it,” so challenge them and say, “What skill?” No skill is involved but hand-foot co-ordination. Wow! The players follow the ball like lost sheep, which just goes to show how pointless it is! Hardly any different to the primitive man’s hunting and gathering, a ‘skill’ mastered hundreds of thousands of years ago.
Now, these sheep need to graze-like any normal person they receive a lovely wage slip, something to look forward to, to help you get through the next month. Imagine a wage slip, coming through, each week, with enough to get your family through an entire year. Well a football player gets millions upon millions for wages, on top of all their product advertisements! These people are paid a fortune for running around a pitch- nothing really.
Where do these millions come from, with hardly any benefit to the economy? Tax evasion is common place, only recently the head of the football players union confessed, “…players…have used ‘perfectly honest’ schemes to lower their tax liabilities…” – sending the money abroad to a place with a cheaper account. So they want to use our roads, our schools and our services, but they don’t want to pay tax?! Is that fair? Even worse this money: going abroad, is: the public’s money, your money which has been deposited in corrupted clubs – with cash sloshing around to the rafters. What a rip-off!
On top of this, that money is spent on corrupting games, fixed games, which the officials allow the cheating to become common place. Furthermore the ‘refs’ are open to bribery by big business players who deliberately give one side an advantage. “All’s fair in love and bribery,” it seems.
What’s that I hear you say? The players are generous? They have their own charities? Charities which fund causes ‘close to their hearts’, which if they had checked would be very similar to a charity struggling to find funding. When the kind hearted footballer, swimming in cash, kindly donates £1000 to their very own charity- well isn’t that generous?!
As a result of the bountiful currency with in this affluent sport, it’s inevitable that the players and managers develop an addiction to wads of cash, In turn stimulating egos and spitefulness between individuals, equipped with heads the size of swimming pools- no wonder they flail around on the floor constantly….
The players tackle for the ball, non-contact by the innocent player, yet Drogba decides deviously to dive across the pitch- only to erupt into a women’s gymnastic floor routine; claiming to be hurt, even though it’s blatantly obvious that not even a cell had been contacted in the process. Then the ‘blind’ referee gives away a free kick or something! Just money orientated players. After all – “money makes the world go round”.
Despite all this we idolise these magnets for trouble; children look up to them as legends and true artists- yet it’s appropriate for them, to commit these secular sins! Children see them, adopt them as an idol, and follow them religiously, causing arguments over who’s best. Do you want your children growing up to be like this?
These arguments then go onto form unnecessary rivalries which drive a wedge between: countries, cities and even families- why would you want to spontaneously segregate society? Eventually leading to major scars, cracking up even the most tightly knit communities; the great supporter schism is nigh! As we’ve witnessed schisms in religion cause major conflicts like the crusades with hundreds of thousands killed needlessly – as a result was futile. Crusades of football are on the horizon, already the first signs are appearing: the riots caused by die hard footie fans against their sworn rivals. Causing mass destruction to the unfortunates situated near to the stadiums.
Some may be saying right now that all this just relates to top end football, but oh no, 73% of referees, in a recent survey, said that they felt targeted in the matches that they referred with 51% agreeing to this whom regulate school matches. The culprits? Over excited, proud parents jeering at the children and shouting at one hundred decibels at someone a third of their size- how intimidating for the whole pitch squadron.
As you can see football is the bane of modern society, how can we let this scandal legally continue? Join me in the protest against evil sports. Save the children. Save our souls. Save our society. Save everything that we hold dear. The solution? Ban football!
It’s no longer a beautiful game.