The Modern Drunkard - newspaper of Old Man Jenkins67

5

The people who say they know...

1 • Day 838, 22:52 • Published in USA USA

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Those who present themselves as rational or spiritual guideposts, as beacons in the darkness, were we to know them intimately, we would shrink at the utter vacuity or turmoil of their interior landscapes.

I challenge you to get close to anyone

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The death of a friend (nothing to do with Erepublik.)

4 • Day 836, 22:49 • Published in USA USA

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I attend the funeral of my best friend. I’ve known him since we were children. We grew up together, attended the same school, went to the same summer camp, had sleepovers at each other’s homes.

We joined the army and served in the same unit, and

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For all the gun companies...

5 • Day 828, 13:18 • Published in USA USA

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I stand ready to fight red coats in plastic chairs...

6 • Day 801, 22:37 • Published in USA USA

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Has it ever occurred to you that your toaster, your coffee table, your leather lounger, your underpants and the shoes you’re wearing, that these apparently inanimate objects may have interior lives of their own?

Could it be possible that your TV

7

Who is The Modern Drunkard?

1 • Day 795, 10:48 • Published in USA USA

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Good morning and welcome to this morning’s news.

Before I begin, I have a few announcements.

First, please turn off all beepers and cell phones. Photography is forbidden. If you want to eat some candy, I urge you to unwrap it now. And those