Will the Krak-Heads Declare War on the Feminocracy of Belgium?

Day 2,079, 10:02 • Published in Ireland Ireland • by Arjay Phoenician III

You’re counted as a reader, you might as well vote!



I wish to thank the subscribers of this paper for supporting the presidential candidacy of my bestest buddy, bosom pal, and lifelong friend, ReleaseThe Krakken, by reading these campaign articles and voting them up. As of this writing, the previous article is at the top of the Irish newsfeed. You know what that means…

KRAK IS #1, BABY!

I also wish to thank Krakken, for yet again he has shown me his appreciation for all the hard work I’ve put into this campaign for him. A few days ago he named our political party Out Out Arjay in my honor. Now it seems he has outdone the honor by accepting the philosophy of individualism. I am overwhelmed with joy on this, because I know, with the power of the name Krakken behind it, the philosophy will no longer be relegated to café chatter and underground pamphleteering, but rather, it will blossom into a full-blown revolution. To help promote the concept, Krakken had gone so far as to rename our party yet again. For a short time, it was named Individualist Disciples of a Individualism Outreaching Thought Society Brother Society to MaryAMQ and Elyneas society in Belguims, or, by the acronym, I.D.I.O.T.S.. When they build monuments in the future to commemorate the greatness and splendor of his reign as president, it will be written on the marble base for everyone for all time to rea😛 PRESIDENT KRAKKEN OF THE IDIOTS.

Truly, however, such an honor could not stay up for very long, as he has renamed it for the third time in two days. It now bears the name Saoirse Rogha Eire, which translates into “Freedom of Choice Ireland”. While it doesn’t have the raw energy of the previous title, it still retains a kernel of individualistic defiance.

It’s probably a good thing he’s trying to change things up. It appears the heavyweights have thrown their hats into the ring. Incumbent Sweet Drinker is now on the ballot, as is ILP representative EmperorPalpatine and the #1 ranked Irishman, Bhane. Krakken is going to have his hands full fending off these challengers, but I’m sure, now that it will be a battle down to the wire, Krakken and all his Krak-Heads will roll up their sleeves and get the job done. Putting together a campaign of substance is what Krakken is all about.

When the going gets tough, the Krak get going.



As such, before the others start writing their position papers that will most likely sound identical with one another, let me offer you this bit, a piece of his policy on foreign affairs. As previously stated in this newspaper, MaryamQ, the teenager-grandmother-lesbian-infiltrator-spy extraordinaire, is Ireland’s Public Enemy #1. It seems Krakken has taken the next step and is not letting Elynea, the one with the presidential medal in Belgium, off the hook one damn bit for harboring such a wicked terrorist. Statements like this, made directly to Elynea, say it all:

no its not a joke elynea. we all know who you ppl are now. can yu please leave our comment walls we dont want your type around here.

but im not evil like you elynea pretending not to understand English but reading all the English articles and commenting on it. would I not be a good joke a bad joke is something ppl dont undeerstand and do not laugh at. guess your right i am a bad joke. you got me. what vile stuff will you do with me now?



He has drawn a line in the sand on this. He has made it very clear to Elynea and to the rest of the world that they all must decide which side they’re on. Will they choose an Ireland led by a Krakken administration dedicated to righteousness, or will they choose to give shelter to MaryamQ and her unnumbered minions?

It’s a simple choice: Either you are on Krak, or you are with the teenager-grandmother-lesbian-infiltrator-spy.



Ireland is in a very delicate situation. Our current state of peace is predicated on carefully balancing our need for autonomy with our desire to avenge ourselves upon our enemies. While Krakken understands this balance, he will do what he has to do to keep Ireland safe against MaryamQ and those who support her. If he must declare war on the feminocracy of Belgium, so be it. How dare those females on the Continent thumb their noses at our Dear Leader. How dare MaryamQ come across as smart and caring, only to trick you all in the end. How dare Elynea coddle such a vile, sinister creature in the name of co-presidency.



I would like to see the other candidates for president in Ireland go out on such a limb, call out the enemies of state, and boldly explain his plan for defending the motherland against such despicable predators.

I have no doubt, should Krakken push the button, should we be going to war against the Feminocracy of Belgium, we will be victorious. If our Irishmen can’t beat up a couple of women, what good are they?

BE A KRAK-HEAD! VOTE FOR RELEASETHE KRAKKEN ON AUGUST 5!




Belfast Lough Times: Issue #42