Where Are They Now ?

Day 1,108, 09:01 • Published in United Kingdom United Kingdom • by Horice G Fossil
Today the Historic Times is beginning a new feature Where Are They Now ?
Each article will focus on eUKers that are no longer with us and discover the
reasons they left and what they have been up to since they departed the eUK.

Our first subject is five times Congressman, Media Mogel and SAS member,


UK's finest

When Finest was in the seventh grade, he dropped out of erep to care for his family.
Although he worked at nearby farm for a while, his mother remarried in order to support
the family and Finest was forced to relocate to suburban Hull. Finest did not get along
with his new stepfather on ecumenical matters and moved to Swindon, soon thereafter.

He worked as a farmer, then a streetcar driver, and eventually enlisted in the Army to
spend a year in Cuba. He married Josephine King with whom he had three children.
Their marriage ended in June.When he moved back to Hull, Finest worked as a steamboat
driver and eventually helped on the railroad. During his time with the railroad, Finest began
taking a correspondence course with Essex University in order to earn his Doctorate in
Philosophy in Ufology. With the help of local officials, Finest was able to complete his
studies and begin his hunt for unidentified flying objects. His career ended when he found
one so Finest decided to move to Watford, and open a service station selling faggot tongs.

After interacting with hungry customers, Finest decided to begin serving meals to travelers
who stopped at his place for tongs. Since there was no formal restaurant or eating area at
the station, Finest served food from a table at the station's living quarters. Serving families
and travelers gave Finest the idea of creating meals that people could take with them;
entire Sunday dinners that were ready to eat and easy to carry. As his popularity grew and
people got word of his cooking, and especially his faggots, Finest moved his operation to
a nearby motel that could seat 142 people. Finest worked as a chef in his own kitchen and
began perfecting his faggot recipe, a task that had him handling his balls late into the night.

In 2009, after his cooking had become very well known around the county, Local MP Ruby
Laffoon granted him the title of Captain Faggots. As a result of this title, Finest began
dressing like a "meatball" and calling himself the Captain as a matter of self-promotion.
By 2010, however, Finest was broke. The government has built a new highway that bypassed
his store, causing the sale price to plummet. Finest, living off of Social Security, took his
cooker and his faggots and traveled to restaurants to convince them to pay him to use his
recipe. Smaller restaurants were willing to pay him a small fee for every six faggots sold,
Finest now has over three Captain Faggots "franchises" in the Hertfordshire area.

In the next issue Where is


malta_1990


Horice