Ambient on/off

Join the new world


The Fix Is In

Day 2,021, 20:24 Published in USA USA by Jakov Mikhailovich

Jakov is starting a haberdashery and he’s about to make a damn lotta hats.

The following views are NOT endorsed by the Federalist Party who have more tolerance for bull pucky than I do.

First of all, I want to demolish, rape, and murder the mother of the argument that the Feds are the “elitist” party simply because we’re the biggest party and have the most members. How can I do that? If only I had some definitive…

Paul Proteus: 85, Tenshibo: 60

Yes, the Feds are clearly the disenfranchising party here because they are upset that a candidate that won nearly 60% of the vote ought to be the official candidate of the country that overwhelmingly selected him. Even in the REAL United States with our questionable Electoral College, when a candidate gets 60% of the popular vote, it’s called a rout. In our Disunity Elections, it’s called a narrow defeat. This is the angriest I’ve ever been at a browser game since that swarm of locusts wiped my entire cotton crop in Farmville. I had to eat my dog.

Feds, I can’t believe you would try to marginalize the margin! Don’t you know Pfeiffer backs Tenshibo?

The Federalist Party is the largest party because the grass roots is always the largest segment of the population. You know why no elitist candidate would ever come from the Feds? Because we have the least Unity Election power. Each of our people basically gets half as much sway as someone from We The People because we have twice as many members that go toward the same, single “party vote”. What elitist would run in a party whose people don’t have the voting power of a smaller party? We have had old, well-respected players become completely frustrated because everyone in the Federalists gets a say. We do not hand people elections based on their eRep birthday or how much damage they do. It’s based on their commitment and merit. Because you belong to a small party, it is easier for your party to be commandeered by a handful of voters. Maybe even voters that don’t vote before your election closes. Maybe by a couple of elites who choose to keep the election running until they get the results they want. Which brings me to…

The WTP Cluster F$^%

I do not blame WTP as a whole. Your party was hijacked by a few people. I feel sorry for every member of We The People who democratically elected Paul Proteus and got a turd shoved in their face. You believed in your party, you helped Paul get a 60% margin of victory that, through legerdemain, was turned into a defeat. Join the Feds. We will deal with you plain. Look, we let each party decide how they want to handle their own primary, but is it too much to ask that you run those primaries consistently and fairly? If your primary vote runs for a variable amount of time until the establishment candidate gets elected, why even bother making a spectacle of it? Why didn’t one elitist open the poll, cast one vote, and close it? Or hey, just declare by fiat whom you are supporting. You WAY over-thought this, We The Puppeteers.

Hmmmm. What if this month, we only allow the votes of people who role play as cats in IRC?

Oh, and what was their lame excuse? We plum done forgot how many dem days were in May (sickening how the cunning mind plays ignorant). This may help next month since your computer’s calendar appears to be malfunctioning. I learned it on Lambchop’s Play-Along:

The valleys are all months with less than 31 days and the knuckles are when you bend a deserving candidate over a barrel and fist him.

Intermission: An Apology

When I first got into this game, Fingerguns told me she supported US-AIM. My response was that if most of our military wouldn’t follow the eUS’s government, it seriously diminishes the strength of the eUS. We can’t be counted on to battle where the government tells its allies it will. We may undo negotiations between governments based on what US-AIM does. I was under some delusion that the government of the eUS deserved to be supported and followed. Sometimes the government doesn’t deserve to be followed. Thank you for the support and outrage in this debacle from a converted Tory.

Hey, guys, the tea is one boat over. These are the crates with WTP’s calendars.

Also, since this is the apology section, I noticed that I have made and am going to make a LOT of references to being raped. If this offends you, you've probably already stopped reading. I consider myself handy with a metaphor, but sometimes only one will do.

Addressing The Fed Backlash: AMP

A lot of people have been upset at the Feds during this election cycle because some of our more partisan members (me, Greene, et al) harangued and harried AMP after they elected a PTOer. You clearly let petty disputes blind you to a PTO threat. Yes, it was a mistake that stemmed from trust. Yes, in some ways you were the victim. But, don’t you think you deserve a LITTLE bit of blowback and a little bit of razzing for this? You didn’t just hurt your own party. Your infighting jeopardized the entire country. The least you can do is take a little flak. You forced everyone else to scramble to cover for you. Max MacFarland opened his wallet to buy votes to entice people away from PTOers (for which he was unfairly maligned). You caused us grief. Can’t we vent some frustrations at you without the butthurt? Again, this is NOT the entire party. Your voter turnout was 28 people, and of those, only 6 votes separated Paul from Tenshibo. Unfortunately, those 6 people have twice as much voting power as anyone from the Feds contributing to Paul’s 2:1 losstory. Still, if you’re willing to deal with that handicap, and you think AMP has strayed too far away from its original established purpose of thwarting Pfeiffer to now supporting the Pfeiffer (who tanks for TWO… you know, the guys we are at war with) candidate, join the grass roots. AMP, we don’t hold you MORE accountable than Serbia. SHIELD is doing everything it can to topple those dogs. At no point did the Feds ever say they would stop helping you with ATO with our customary no reward or thanks. In fact, much less than thanks, you call us elitists even though we lend you our numbers every month to keep America strong. At no point did we take our offer off the table of sending Malarkey over to your party to help you tighten your security measures. No, we just made fun of you because you because you frustrated us.

Ok, so I opened ONE little box and unleashed all known horrors onto the entire world, but haven’t you considered how that makes me FEEL?

And The Most Important Reason Your Anger Is Misdirected

When I, or Greene, go on partisan tirades against other parties, do you have any idea who is the FIRST person to speak up in the name of diplomacy and civility? Saint Paul F&%*ing Proteus, The Lambheart. Punishing Paul for anything Greene or I said is ridiculous. I speak my mind, and if my mind is in a trolling mood, I troll. Paul Proteus is the one who puts me in my place, and that’s why he’s my best friend. I am a loose cannon. Paul Proteus belongs in the canon.

“Is it not written that if a party requires you to send them an ATO member, send ye them two instead? Amen.”

What’s The Jakov Solution for the Feds?

Pointing out problems without offering solutions makes you a whiner. In order of how much I like them from most to least:

1.) Run Paul anyway/ask Tenshibo to step down, honorably.

Why do I like it? The people overwhelmingly voted for Paul Proteus. I can’t abide by a democracy that doesn’t represent its constituents.

Why don’t I like it? You don’t deserve Paul. It might give RGR a chance to win.

2.) Encourage all Feds to completely abstain from voting.

Why do I like it? You don’t want our “elitist,” candidates, so you don’t deserve our elitist votes. You deserve RGR.

Why don’t I like it? RGR deserves nothing.

3.) Encourage Feds and our US-AIM brothers-in-outrage to move to New Zealand and start anew.

Why do I like it? If America is not democratic, it isn’t America anyway. New Zealand could be a utopian society where merit and the rule of majority is supreme.

Why don’t I like it? Utopia means “no place,” it’d go FUBAR in 3 days. Lamb is only my 7th favorite meat (for the record: beef, venison, buffalo, pork, turkey, chicken).

4.) Take this one on the chin. Endorse no candidate this time. Blow Unity apart next month.

Why do I like it? It implies this country can be salvaged. It’s what Saint Paul F&%^ing Proteus, The Lambheart would want.

Why don’t I like it? It implies this country can be salvaged. It’s the same timid weakness we imbibe in every month hoping to curry the favor of the people that hate us, and it’s the one we’ll most likely take as cooler heads than mine rule the Feds.

A Final (FINALLY) Few Comments:

- Yes, I know Paul would have lost anyway. However, the Powers That Be didn’t know what the 6th parties would do. They are less controllable than WTP. Again, Paul won the popular vote out of hand. Also, The Seed didn’t get a vote in the 6th party election. How convenient. The fraud abounds.
- Yes, I am aware that I probably sound butthurt. It is a natural reaction when you are butt-raped.
- I was told by high-ranking members of my party not to post this article, but like I said before, I am a loose cannon, and if I have learned anything from the last 48 hours, it’s not to listen to the establishment (even of a grass roots party like the Feds) when your heart says otherwise.
- Yes, I was originally given incorrect vote totals in my article, but if you think that Paul "only" winning by the voting base of the AMP is something to be smug about, you're probably drinking WTP's Kool-Aid on February 30th (I assume that missing day went somewhere).


Good God and jelly, I’m turning Google’s SafeSearch filter back on when I search for Bowser pics next time. Bowser was doing things to Princess Toadstool, the likes of which I haven’t seen since Paul Proteus ran against the establishment.


Jakov Mikhailovich
Jakov Mikhailovich Day 2,021, 20:25

First for Saint Paul F&%*ing Proteus, The Lambheart, my best friend.

Whiskey Jack Day 2,021, 20:26

Comment deleted

Kody5. Day 2,021, 20:28


Whiskey Jack
Whiskey Jack Day 2,021, 20:28


Unity be damned.

Cubby Day 2,021, 20:32

This did not suck in the least. Way to pump out a lot of valuable thoughts in a short period!

Unity be damned. If you abide by it, you legitimize it.

Talostastic Day 2,021, 20:32

Your knowledge of the WTP "Fiasco" is woefully incorrect and based on assumptions made by others.

The WTP poll was -always- going to close on June 2nd. Not after X number of hours.

At the end of the day, it didn't matter. Even if WTP went Paul, the 6th party tie breakers went Ten.

Talostastic Day 2,021, 20:37

Also, Ten got a minimum of 57 votes, working off the numbers party reps reported to me, so even more disinformation.

Paul Proteus
Paul Proteus Day 2,021, 20:43

The 6th party bit he didn't deny. As for "hours" might want to talk to Hale, I specifically asked him that on #fedpartychat and he said it was based on 48 hours. I understand that may be wrong, but my real issue in this is the communication, not all of the assumptions came from thin air is my point. Again all of my knowledge came from asking Hale. Regardless, not trying to say anything down on WTP, nor question the results. Good luck to Tenshibo, I'm sure he'll be a great CP.

Jakov Mikhailovich
Jakov Mikhailovich Day 2,021, 20:48

He may not be MY CP is #3 comes about, though...

Candor Day 2,023, 09:21

UH. FWIW, 6th party checking in. No one asked us. Our peeps have opines.

RaccoonGoon Day 2,021, 20:35

Eh, you still write entertaining propaganda even when I disagree with you.

At least you can admit when you're wearing a tinfoil hat. I respect that in any good conspirator.

Petey Alazar
Petey Alazar Day 2,021, 20:35

Always on point, Jakov

Dr. Badd
Dr. Badd Day 2,021, 20:37

Popular Unity Vote winner = Proteus
Electoral College of Unity winner = Tenshibo

In game winner = the one with the most votes


PS Jakov, I adore you. No homo...

Greene12 Day 2,021, 20:41

All Hail Saint Paul F&%*ing Proteus, The Lambheart

Ilies Daniel
Ilies Daniel Day 2,021, 20:44

Feds talking abt primary cheaters.. funny.

Jakov Mikhailovich
Jakov Mikhailovich Day 2,021, 20:50

Didn't happen. Plus, we didn't try to delete a damned day from the calendar.

Ilies Daniel
Ilies Daniel Day 2,021, 21:09

You'd be amazed by what you don't know abt your own party. It's no different than the others, never has been.

Jakov Mikhailovich
Jakov Mikhailovich Day 2,021, 21:16

You're referring to Eli's misinformed comments. Didn't happen.

Ilies Daniel
Ilies Daniel Day 2,021, 21:22

I'm not referring to anything in this election actually.. I have no idea what Feds did/didn't do this month.

Jakov Mikhailovich
Jakov Mikhailovich Day 2,021, 21:26

His misinformed comments from a long time ago. Votes were changed... legitimately. There were no shenanigans, just last minute campaigning.

Josh Whitehead Day 2,021, 20:45

Comment deleted

Strength and Honour

Dogpyle Day 2,021, 20:49

Great article.


Zoli Day 2,021, 20:54

Stop this argument between Paul and Tenshibo by not nominating any of them. \o/

Tyler Bubblar
Tyler Bubblar Day 2,021, 20:57

time to blow up the boat!

Jakov Mikhailovich
Jakov Mikhailovich Day 2,021, 21:00

That is the best thing you've ever said. I nominate Tyler Buublar for Best Friends Club.

Tyler Bubblar
Tyler Bubblar Day 2,021, 21:29

I accept your nomination! I've been saying that for a while

Lonestar 2
Lonestar 2 Day 2,021, 21:00

I messed up the vote math earlier.
Paul still won the popular vote 85-60.
Details below as comments.

Feds forum:

WTP 25 T 24 P
USWP 13 T 7 P
AMP: 17 T 11 P
FEDS: 5 T 43 P

So, the correct tally:
85-60 Paul-Tenshibo

Jude Conners
Jude Conners Day 2,021, 21:20

What astonishes me is that in the middle of a war against what may be the strongest nation in the game, the political elite are worried about this dumb crap.

It doesnt make a diff who is CP if there is no nation to be a CP of.

Get with it and move on... the butthurt time on this stupidity is ended.

fingerguns Day 2,021, 21:31

>the butthurt time on this stupidity is ended

Results are still coming in. It's one thing to say that people shouldn't take a full day to react to things, but not even a few seconds?


Jude Conners
Jude Conners Day 2,021, 21:55

it's THAT annoying

Kortanul Day 2,023, 01:06

Jude, this coming from a new kid obsessed with the war module and the MU side of things... We're handling the war just fine. Politically minded people will worry about politics--that's their job. Politics are more than half the game, and it is legitimately important to have a nation led by a leader who the people can fully back, ESPECIALLY in times of war.

We need a leader who we can be proud of and who can rally the troops when needed. We need people who can and are willing to make decisions to better things for us long-term, and improve relations with important allies.

You can't just ignore that side of the game when convenient and expect things to go well--and it's really not hard to click AND type in the same day.

Kortanul Day 2,023, 01:09

For clarification, by "we", I mean the eUS. We're working hard with our foreign allies to make sure we crush Serbia as effectively as possible. A bit of malcontent when not acted upon doesn't take away from our ability to fight.

Hampton H. Hampton
Hampton H. Hampton Day 2,023, 20:31

everytime someone does something that upsets the politically elite we get mass articles about it. THe political elite live their RL for that in gmae political eliteness.

Ilies Daniel
Ilies Daniel Day 2,021, 21:21

I don't know either of them well and am not vested in the winner.. but this is kind of bullshit imo.

1) Total primary votes do not, nor have they ever mattered. You cannot try to change the system with an election ongoing.

2) Party PP's are in reality free to do what they want.

3) Forum primaries are not representative of the population and are notoriously undemocratic/rigged.

4) You pointed out yourself he would have won anyway.

As an outsider looking in... this is nothing but a bunch of sore losers crying like babies. If you want to change the system, change it, but not in the middle of an election.

fingerguns Day 2,021, 21:24

Are you stupid or just pretending? No one is saying change it for THIS election. But why not talk about it while people care?

Ilies Daniel
Ilies Daniel Day 2,021, 21:26

I'm fine talking all you want, about next month, but it looks like the election for this month is over to me.

Jakov Mikhailovich
Jakov Mikhailovich Day 2,021, 21:27

He's ACTUALLY stupid. Use smaller words. Vote fraud bad. Clean vote time good. May. 31. Days.

fingerguns Day 2,021, 21:32

It is, Colin. So let's talk about next month.

Ilies Daniel
Ilies Daniel Day 2,021, 21:33

You just shout down anybody that disagrees with you Jakov.. it's a good name for you.

fingerguns.. I don't see a discussion about solutions, just a butthurt article because someones guy lost.

fingerguns Day 2,021, 21:40


Also IRC.

I forgive people wanting to take a second to react to things that are happening. I'd be less forgiving if people were only complaining and doing nothing else.

Jakov Mikhailovich
Jakov Mikhailovich Day 2,021, 21:41

Oh yeah... like I was the one that started with the put downs: "Feds talking abt primary cheaters.. funny" "this is nothing but a bunch of sore losers crying like babies" If you're going to pretend to take the high road, at least don't do it on the same page where you were taking the low road.

Emerick Day 2,022, 11:17

Your boyfriend actually did suggest that, and he's full of butthurt hate. He is not, however, a troll.

Pfeiffer. Day 2,021, 23:40

I enjoy that a bunch of this was about me.

I chuckled.

Drew Blood
Drew Blood Day 2,022, 04:16

Says the TWO Tank from the United Kingdom...oh right...'he may be an assh***, but he thinks of America first'...and I'm the Pope of Hope....

Pfeiffer. Day 2,022, 05:14

I don't 'tank' for anyone but the UK, which isn't a huge departure for me, as I've never really hit against them either.

That's ok though, CHS, repeat the lines you're fed.

Drew Blood
Drew Blood Day 2,022, 05:21

So, during all the time you 'supported' America, you were tanking for the enemy; nice to know I was right in calling you a back stabbing TWO faced liar....

Pfeiffer. Day 2,022, 19:43

I was? I've never tanked for the enemy of my country. Four countries I don't/won't drop damage against (unless it's a battle they want to lose):


Lots of friends and/or history in all of them. Pull your head out and stop trying to be the worst troll in eRep.

Drew Blood
Drew Blood Day 2,022, 19:58

You do know that not tanking for America is the same as tanking against America. the UK is a TWO lapdog and tanking for the UK is tanking against America; call me troll all you want -I am not the one who defected to a TWO country.

Pfeiffer. Day 2,024, 08:25

No, hitting against America is hitting against America. herpderp

Post your comment

What is this?

You are reading an article written by a citizen of eRepublik, an immersive multiplayer strategy game based on real life countries. Create your own character and help your country achieve its glory while establishing yourself as a war hero, renowned publisher or finance guru.