Day 4,778, 08:48 Published in USA USA by The Pony Express

By Shrimp Collars

In perhaps the most shocking scandal in eUS history, it was revealed today that SFP member Frankin Stone and USWP stalwart and former President of the eUS Derphoof have been caught in a compromising position at the Chickensguys National Hotel in eWashington DC. A photographer from this very paper caught the two in the Glove Executive Suite. The pictures, it goes without saying, are simply too explicit to publish in this paper.

We tried to reach Shiloh, Franklin's long-time life partner for comment, but he was too devastated to speak on the record. The SFP and USWP party memberships are up in arms over this forbidden affair, and both are in shock that two of their favorite sons would be sneaking around and sharing who knows what secrets with rival parties!

When asked for comment on this, eUS President Chickensguys said "This is an inclusive administration. We are LGBTQIA+ friendly, and welcome people and animals of all persuasions. As the first chicken-american President, I know what it is like to deal with this sort of public pressure. I wish Frank and Derphoof all the happiness in the world, and send them my love. I hope Shiloh is doing well in this time as well. We may clash politically, but love knows no ideological boundary."

In related news, recently in the halls of Congress, Congressman Grendeli had publicly criticized Speaker of the House dmjohnston and Congressman Andy Dufresne for their relationship, causing a near riot to break out during a congressional session! Grendeli was immediately attacked by Dinnyin and PimpDollaz, long-time and well known partners as well. We ask this question to you. Are these affairs between high-profile politicians in our country causing so much drama that we the American people should take issue with it disrupting our government? When will this end, and when can we get back to the business of the people, NOT pointless political gossip?

As this shocking story evolves and new updates become available, stay tuned right here to this paper! We report the stories the lamestream media simply won't. Real facts. Real news. We bring it to you, the American people to decide!