SCANDALOUS: Your Guide to the Crickets of the eUK

Day 2,424, 16:19 • Published in United Kingdom United Kingdom • by Citizen 4945322


Your Guide to the Crickets of the eUK

Crickets are a type of insect that make a noise when they rub their legs together.

Despite being seen as one of the more boring members of the insect world, crickets are still way more exciting than their namesake, the sport cricket.

They are especially way more exciting than this eCricket, whatever this is.

Here are ten facts about the Crickets of the eUK:


Rock, Paper, Double Lobster Claw?

1. It would be impossible for crickets to take part in the current craze of rock paper scissors. This is due to the cricket not possessing suitable hand appendages to form the required symbols.

2. Kevin the ESO Trivia Goat has a severe cricket allergy which if left untreated could see hoof swelling, horn fungus, and a tendency to ask too many questions on birth names.

3. Crickets were introduced to the eUK through numerous attacks from their native homeland of eCanada. From the eUK, they have since been spread numerous times to eIreland, mostly by people abandoning the eUK and *hopping* over.

4. PCP member Jiminy Christmas was named after two famous members of the Cricket family. Jiminy Cricket was a famous elderly cricket known for befriending a young boy in the 1930's BBC, whilst Christmas Island in the Pacific has a large indigenous Cricket population.

5. The C in CoT actually stood for Crickets! When founded as an alliance by an allegiance of eCrickets and eGrasshoppers, it was largely unsuccessful, but later leaders changed the alliances world outlook from insect domination.

6. It is an aft occurrence where cricket noises are heard in the #euk IRC chatroom. This is due to the fact that most often than not, the conversation is that dull that the large amount of the audience simply drifts away, leaving the insect with the largest attention span making noises alone.

7. Crickets are unlikely to make an appearance in the current MoHA Competition on Cricket.

8. Current CP BigAnt is not a Cricket, but an Ant. Many members of the public have mistakenly referred to him by his cousins name, LargeCricket, due to their resemblance.


Swarm of Crickets eating your crops? Blame Jamesw.

9. People didn't always blame Jamesw! Before his birth, people would often blame crickets for whatever misdeed had befallen them. However, the birth of a creature arguably more ugly, brooding and mischievous than the cricket lead many to abandon the old phrase.

10. On Day 2424 the first article about crickets in the eUK spectacularly bombed out of the media and was quickly forgotten.

We hope you have found this article insightful!

Yours,

Moriarty & The Scandalous Team
Our entry to the MoHA Competition on Cricket
The shittest sport ever.