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Let the Guinness Flow

Day 1,308, 09:05 • Published in United Kingdom

• by Sir Digby Chicken-Caesar

All Irish nationals are hereby ordered to immediately report to their local Repatriation & Employment Office, formerly public houses.

As new denizens of British Éire, all Irishmen will receive individual employment and social kits upon registration, containing:

1x copy of Bob Save the Queen anthem lyrics, to be shared
1x mining helmet
1x pickaxe, to be shared
1x ration book
50x teabags

As of this day, all Irish denizens are to serve a minimum of 10 years national service in the employment of the British Éire Guinness Co.

Please note that the Ulster and Leinster Guinness Mines are currently operating at full employment and are unable to employ under contracted regulated safety procedures.

All employees are expected to work 18 hours every day, with a 15 minute luke-warm tea break at noon every day. No holidays.

Welcome to Britain.

Sir Digby Chicken-Caesar
Lord-Lieutenant of Ireland.

Comments

Major Lee Hung Day 1,308, 09:14

Welcome new Irish underlings.

temujin94 Day 1,308, 09:17

HAIL DIGBY

holbs Day 1,308, 09:19

THE U
THE U
THE UK

Diakun Day 1,308, 09:24

epic

Jekyll Day 1,308, 09:28

I think there's an error, it should rea😛

1 x mining helmet, to be shared
1 x pick axe

Sven Goran Duran-Duran Day 1,308, 09:33

God Save the King

Sir Digby Chicken-Caesar Day 1,308, 09:37

Jekyll, that was indeed the original allocation but pickaxes are expensive and we don't want to waste our funding on tools when we can buy paper hat helmets and let half the miners use their hands.