Inspired Apathy

Day 2,169, 19:13 • Published in USA USA • by Dogpyle
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I'm writing this in preparation of the inevitable "So why don't you run?" response I'm expecting to get from the comment I left in Artela's bid for Country President "article". I put "article" in quotations because, simply put, that was just effin lazy.

My answer to that inevitable question is this: Inspired Apathy. That's right Dear Reader, I just can't be bothered to waste my time on something so trivial as being ePOTUS. This game, and many of the people playing it (but not you, you're the shizznit) have inspired me to not give a $h1t. Not even a little turd dumpling. Probably not even a fart (unless I was maybe feeling a little gassy). Truth be told, I've just been 2 clicking for quite awhile now. I work, I fight when and where I'm needed, donate to my MU (EZC, Represent!), and flit around aimlessly like a pretty little pork fly on occasion, but that's about it. I suppose that kind of makes me part of the problem...



But let's say, for the sake of argument, that I was running for ePOTUS. I'm not mind you, but if I was, I can tell you that my platform would entail a heck of a lot more than just "continuity and stability". Seriously, a pitch for POTUS that lame is going to inspire me to not vote for you, regardless of what you may or may not have done for this country. You've got to inspire more than apathy to get me to click that little "vote" button in your favor.



If I were President...

So, putting my money somewhere other than where my mouth would be, here's my (not) Pitch for POTUS:

1) Free cookies and candy for everyone.
That's right. Free. For Everyone. And all your favorite kinds too. Not just the cheap crap you can get at the dollar store.

2) Full bonuses.
Yup. Full. But these bonuses go up to 11/11



3) All of our territories.
But we're not gonna stop there kids. I'm going to use my POTUS Powers and call in some favors (I have some, shall we say "compromising" pictures of Plato) and we're going to take over the world with our new found Battle Bonuses!

4) No more taxes.
"But Dogpyle, how is that even possible?!?" I can hear you asking. It's not. Unless you're super awesome like me and know how to massage debt ceilings and deficit spending. Kinda like the real U.S. government, only without the side effects.



5) A fun and exciting game.
Yeah, it's been pretty boring around here, hasn't it? Not any longer. Once you've elected me as POTUS, I'm going to smack Plato in the rooster sucker and get you all of those updates you've been begging for. All of them. And some you didn't even know you wanted. Ain't I awesome? You bet I am.

6) Sexy time.
I'm bringin' it, yo.

7) A scantily clad Bia.
'Nuff said. Let's see another candidate top that.

So there it is Dear Reader. I'm going to bring the rain where there's been drought. I'm going to clear the skies where there's been floods. I'm going to bring synthesized pharmacueticals where there's pain. I'm going to bring the right where there's been wrong. I'm gonna write the songs that make the whole world sing.

I'm gonna put the eUS back on the map.


Peace, Love, and Happiness. Dogpyle out.