How To Succeed at Politics Without Really Trying

Day 5,589, 12:18 • Published in USA USA • by Paul Proteus
"The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about."

What I really miss is when people would make these banners for you

The other day President Custer came to me and said "Paul, I would really like it if you wrote some government media, and also if you wouldn't wildly misquote me," and I said sure and no way respectively. Custer sighed and asked if I would write a guide, a how-to for new citizens lost in this harsh world of pixels and training wars. And I told Custer that as an esteemed citizen who has been playing this game for over a decade, I have no idea how game mechanics actually work, and wouldn't Henry be a better option? At which point Custer told me to write a politics guide as that apparently is better than nothing.

Now I'm not sure what expertise I have on politics, and I'm not sure what use this is to anyone, but at the very least you can look at the pretty pictures, so, as eternal Federalist political director, as a former president of eSwitzerland (and maybe the eUS a few times), and as a the owner of a fully functional Virtual Boy, I will do my best.



First Steps: aka I'm scared and I don't know what to do



If you scream long enough you get free bitcoin

So you've decided to make an account on eRepublik dot com, a fifteen year old browser game. Maybe you remembered your account from 2009 when you were 10 pounds lighter and your eyes were slightly less dead and you want to relive those days. Or maybe a friend of yours revealed their shameful secret in order to get an extra vote or two on election day. Or maybe you just thrive in communities full of old grudges. I won't judge. Anyway you're here, and we're all thankful.

This guide will not tell you how to play the game, how to level your account, how to win battle heroes. What this guide will tell you is how to become politically successful as quickly as possible.

Step 0: Join Discord etc.:

This is a social game. While many players play this game in-game you will find much more success if you are on Discord and Telegram. Make sure to join the general eUS Discord : https://discord.gg/2fJgkKF58D

Next join the Discord or Telegram of whatever party you join. The Federalist Discord is active, I believe the Rough Rider discord is private. The SFP and BSP also have discords. I think WTP is on telegram. Once you choose a party, send a message to whomever is PP to make sure you join in their communication forums of choice.

Step 1: Join a party

The most important thing you need to do is to join a political party. Here you will make allies who will help you achieve whatever ambitions you want. Your earliest goal is going to be getting into Congress. Congress is exceptionally boring and you will do very little there, but it is still an important first step.

Now, what party should you join? Absolutely only join a top 5 party when you start playing. Only the 5 largest parties are able to run people for congress, and again, this is your first goal.

Now each party is different, and has their own character. Which party you should join is dependent on what community you want to be part of. Again, I am solely basing this guide on political ambitions. So, in order of size:


The Federalist Party
-Relatively easy to get into Congress if you ask, a good amount of congress slots, but also a good amount of players competing for them
-Has players who will be able to connect you to institutional jobs and cabinet access very quickly
-It will be slow to break into party leadership due to the amount of legacy players


The Rough Riders
-Has the most Congress slots, probably easy to get into Congress
-Fewer legacy players to connect you but will likely wield more (most?) power going forward due to growing party size
-Herr Vootsman is in this party (he's important)


We The People
-Also get a lot of Congress slots with fewer legacy players taking them up, so probably pretty easy to get into congress
-There is a lot of bad blood between WTP leadership and the other parties, joining the WTP is likely to put you at odds with many influential older players, so that may not be wise


Black Sheep Party
-Strong culture, will be part of a community, does okay at Congress
-Historically this party has been wary of meta political institutions, will make that part of this guide more difficult, but certainly still doable


Socialist Freedom Party
-Great members, great history
-Very small party with few congress slots available, leadership is involved but has not had high political ambitions recently, you will get less help breaking through

Also general advice: Don't publicly rank parties, it understandably does not make you friends


lol Custer sorry, there's a reason this is being published in my paper

Step 2: Getting into Congress

You've joined a party! Now you need to utilize that. First, make sure to be active on whatever discord, telegram, etc. your party uses. Second, keep an eye on the Party Shout Wall, frequently giveaways or party rules will be posted there. Finally, run for congress. Make sure you message the party president to see what you can do to improve your chances. Some parties require you to sign up somewhere offsite, some don't. Being "active" and "around" is most of what will work here, but asking people is effective because it tells your PP you are active and makes them feel guilty when they don't run you. Don't feel entitled, it may take a month or two to be run for Congress, other people want the spots. Every month send another message to your PP (not whiney, not entitled, just asking what you can do). If you aren't in Congress in 4-5 months, try another party. Don't read the wiki too closely or everyone will start thinking you're a former player coming back to trick everyone with a new account. Don't ask.

Now you're in Congress! Be careful not to be too excited. Congress is comically slow. Very little happens. Don't blow your shot. Do not introduce flashy new legislation, do not start clicking buttons. In fact, your first month you should do relatively little. Ask other congress members for advice, and you'll get the hang of it.

If you have the energy, write a newspaper. Just make sure your presence is felt. This will take another month or so.


Representation of Congress in action

Step 3: Getting "involved"

You may be coming to a few realizations after a few months in Congress. 1. This game is boring. 2. Browser games suck. 3. Someone is in power and it's not you and it's not clear who that is. 4. I like making numbered lists.

This is where a lot of players hit a roadblock. You can spend years in Congress doing nothing and feeling like you're never going to progress. The thing is, now you need to "get involved". What does that mean? Nobody knows, but there's a fundamental truth we're working with. Relatively few players do the vast majority of the work needed to run the country. This creates two competing perceptions. 1) Everyone not in the know feels like a cabal runs the country and they are powerless, 2) Everyone in the know feels like they are doing insane amounts of work for no pay and anyone who is complaining should just actually volunteer to do said work. The thing is, both of these sentiments are true. Most decisions are made by very few players talking to each other privately. That's how every country is run, and it's just a function of what it means to be President of the eUS with such a small player base of people willing to do grunt work. The good news, is you really can get involved and become part of these private messages. Joining the theoretical cabal is easy! You just have to be willing to be on telegram and make sure to not make enemies. You never know who can keep you out of a room. Reserve your petty grudges for after you get that CP medal.


Goodbye Blue Monday artist sketch of typical post-presidency behavior

So how do you "get involved?" First, reach out to senior members of your party, then reach out to the President. Tell them you want to "be involved," preferably you want to learn what the Secretary of Defense does and you want to volunteer your time and effort. Do whatever they say, with one exception. If they tell you to do media, say you'll do it for one month but only if you get oval access. Don't spend years "doing media," it will drain you of your life essence and all you will get is hundreds of articles...oh god what have I done with my life. This part might take a while, and can't all be written down, as who exactly you should be sucking up to changes every once in a while. Make sure to not be annoying, and lean on the friends you've made over the past few months shitposting in Congress and in your party's discord.

Once you're involved (and you'll know what this means because you'll be invited to weird telegram rooms), wait a few months, then start hinting you'd be willing to run for President. If your party doesn't suck, they'll back you.

That's basically it. Now you're President and you are rewarded with: foreigners mad at you on telegram because you forgot to open a training war at 3am.


This screen will never come up, the only reward is the sunk cost fallacy. On the other hand, Zelda 2 is easy to find online and marginally less frustrating...

Good luck! If this doesn't work, don't blame me, this guide is flawless.



Next time the guide will be: how to steal the treasury in 12 easy steps.

With love,
Paul Proteus