EXCLUSIVE: NEWSPAPER PAYS PEOPLE TO BUY PAPER. REPORTS LOSSES!
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by Citizen 4945322
Industry leaders and party officials at New Era have branded self-titled 'Sage' Goku Jones, reportedly aged between 3 and 12, idiotic after his latest scheme dramatically failed.
Believing that bribing citizens of the world to purchase his newspaper, "Fight for the New Era", would result in a higher profit for his newspaper, his scheme dramatically backfired after party officials pointed out the fatal flaw.
Reportedly Mr Jones, 9, after his scheme's failure
Jones, 6, gave every buyer, reportedly all Macedonians, £2.50 and a Twix for them to buy his newspaper, which costs 50p. The latest issue sold 199 copies, and reported issue losses of more than £200. This forced opposing party members to point and laugh as he scrambled to defend himself.
One key laughee was Godzilla Party President Rory Winterbourne, who decided to offer a free tank to everybody who wrote to the paper stating that this article had bought buyers. However, this initiative is doomed to fail, with the increasing pressure on the British tank industry forcing workers to go on strike.
There has been further uproar at the New Era Party, where the party Rottweiler has had his leash loosened, and is currently mauling the political baby that is the Independent Alliance. Dan Dopper, 42 in dog years, has been growling for a long while at others, and is expected to turn his undapper attention towards a certain newspaper in the coming future.
Madacaion and some Brian Cox impressionist have recorded a podcast/radio thingy, with guest star Elvis Trout (a former party member with myself at APP, in my less crazy days. I especially liked your second song Elvis.). Have a listen here: THIS IS THE RADIO THINGY!. Also, your Brian Cox impression is too deep.
Should Din Dupper be put back on his leash?
Is Jones really a sage, or more of a parsley?
Is the tank industry going to explode soon?
What time is it?
Love from SCANDALOUS. (100% Beef)
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Comments
y
n
n
y
hammer time
UKPP, NE and OV growing, TUP and UKRP dying
= BAWWWW
Whaaa?
UKRP has grown recently....
OV is dying
I don't see a single mention of UKPP or OV, so you must be mistaken.
Great to see Scandalous back 😃
Nein
Basil (Fawlty)
Non
Stop! Hammer time! (someone had to!)
New Era has best ever congress results today?
I think 40g worth of medals for New Era and 55g across the whole coalition is actually... a profit when I've probally spent a 5g Gold max on advertising.
Owned!
how you doing 😉 would you like to dance?
So you see running for congress as a money making method?
Congratulations! We're all proud of you!
gokus many acounts won the day
neutered
imitation 5 spice
my cannon explodes on command only
dinner time fool
Voted for an excellent radio show!
Nice to hear I sound like Brian Cox...
Sage? more like Rosemary I think
N
N
Herbert
The sun is well over the yard arm
Horice (:
Should Din Dupper be put back on his leash? Just needs a brisk walk round the block, use some energy up!
Is Jones really a sage, or more of a parsley? I like cress...
Is the tank industry going to explode soon? Only with frag rounds...
What time is it? It's impossible to know both speed and position...
Strength and Honur
rage goku.don daiper.winnie the poo.new era for you
Did laugh. Did vote.
lol