EXCLUSIVE: BIGANT ACTUALLY ALIEN INSECT INTENT ON DESTROYING WORLD!
Day 1,873, 04:44
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Published in United Kingdom 
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by
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by Citizen 4945322
ATTACK OF THE 7 FEET BIGANTS!
Remember Men in Black II? The horror at that giant cockroach as it tried to destroy the world, and thus us? Well, that wasn't real. But this attack certainly is!
For CP candidate and former President BigAnt has been lying to us about his origins all along! He isn't actually the Keith Lemon or even a Keith Lemon lookalike, he is actually a humongous, grotesque, other-world inhabitant of the star-system Betelgeuse, here to devour our planet's rare rain-forests and wildlife, such as the Jaguar or Deal or No Deal presenter Noel Edmonds.
Talon Karrde is bitten by the beast. Whereabouts: unknown.
The first part of his plan was to win our trust. He did this by becoming President twice, but then made a complete and utter hash of it by falling out with half of the country. That is why a third term is required, and this time he wants to lead us on a conquest to the Central Americas, where he will be able to contact his home world of giant ants and organise an invasion using those big satellite things in Mexico.
Not ant-proof
Early evidence of the invasion plan is sketchy, but it is rumoured to feature millions of these ants that will eat all, including your much prized lawnmower/dishwasher/child. He must be stopped to end this madness before we all die!
Iain Keers and Mittekemius, both believed dead, attempt to stop BigAnt.
But hold your horses. There is salvation. Other runner, Mr. B Foxtrot, has a plan of action. He hopes to create a 60-foot tall ant-eater, with the help of the Real Spamicans, which will be able to combat these invading ant colonies.
Salvation
Vote Betafoxtrot! Protect yourself from the BigAnts. Or vote some of the other people, like Joe Blogg's brother Bob.
Have you seen the ant-form of BigAnt, behind the mask?
Have you ever been bitten by him?
Do you know where Talon Karrde is?
Can I get a refund if I've opened the packaging?
If you have an answer to any of the above questions, answer in the comments below.
Remember Men in Black II? The horror at that giant cockroach as it tried to destroy the world, and thus us? Well, that wasn't real. But this attack certainly is!
For CP candidate and former President BigAnt has been lying to us about his origins all along! He isn't actually the Keith Lemon or even a Keith Lemon lookalike, he is actually a humongous, grotesque, other-world inhabitant of the star-system Betelgeuse, here to devour our planet's rare rain-forests and wildlife, such as the Jaguar or Deal or No Deal presenter Noel Edmonds.
Talon Karrde is bitten by the beast. Whereabouts: unknown.
The first part of his plan was to win our trust. He did this by becoming President twice, but then made a complete and utter hash of it by falling out with half of the country. That is why a third term is required, and this time he wants to lead us on a conquest to the Central Americas, where he will be able to contact his home world of giant ants and organise an invasion using those big satellite things in Mexico.
Not ant-proof
Early evidence of the invasion plan is sketchy, but it is rumoured to feature millions of these ants that will eat all, including your much prized lawnmower/dishwasher/child. He must be stopped to end this madness before we all die!
Iain Keers and Mittekemius, both believed dead, attempt to stop BigAnt.
But hold your horses. There is salvation. Other runner, Mr. B Foxtrot, has a plan of action. He hopes to create a 60-foot tall ant-eater, with the help of the Real Spamicans, which will be able to combat these invading ant colonies.
Salvation
Vote Betafoxtrot! Protect yourself from the BigAnts. Or vote some of the other people, like Joe Blogg's brother Bob.
Have you seen the ant-form of BigAnt, behind the mask?
Have you ever been bitten by him?
Do you know where Talon Karrde is?
Can I get a refund if I've opened the packaging?
If you have an answer to any of the above questions, answer in the comments below.
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Comments
Invade S.America..............Rubber and Saltpeter...........voted BigAnt
I tip my hat for the comedy value.
This is hilarious.
Well played
Scary
Next week: THE BLOBLO!
Well played sir
boated
This made my day, I take my hat of to your sir, nicely done!