eUSA vs. eCanada!

Day 2,452, 11:21 Published in USA USA by Logan Hyrozek

Today is a rather unfortunate day. It's the day when pigs fly and Canadians can actually hold a gun. Scary, isn't it? It seems that we're getting payback for our northern neighbor for leaving us with JB: King of Evil. Yes, I'm aware this war is being waged for missions, which is completely stupid (NOBODY LIKES MISSIONS). At least Canadians are often patient enough to put up with Americans; most of the time. This is why I'm glad to live in eUSA, where bacon is actually bacon and not ham! Perhaps a quick skirmish can teach our beaver-worshipping friends the value of decently cooked and sliced bacon.

But while Sir Francis Bacon rolls in his grave, we should make this as quick as possible. I'd be much happier if we spent more attention in eFrance, yet somehow we end up attacking one of the least hostile countries in the entire world. Sure, it's a mutual beneficiary thingy of sorts that I mislabeled completely, but eCanada? I'm quite sure our pancakes have enough syrup. We don't need to invade to take their only export. Okay, it is pretty fun to ride a zamboni everywhere, but this is America! More specifically, "America, by The People"!

I won't be contributing much with the campaign in Quebec because I despise missions heavily, and since I don't hate Canadians. Even though I used every stereotype imaginable against them, eh? Just because they drink their milk from plastic bags and use fancy "metric" doesn't give me a good reason to commit hate crimes. So what if they over-extend their "o" vowels too much? Nothing! I'm perfectly okay with their over-complicating the English language with Zed instead of Z. We should feel sorry for them, after all, whenever they open their front door a blizzard rolls through.

Okay, I'm done now using Canadian jokes. Hopefully their polite-ness comes here soon before the riots burn my publishing office. And even if a Canadian gets hurt in this fight, they'll just come back for another day with their absurd "free healthcare". Free! Can you imagine? Freedom is for Americans (citation needed)! Other than that, there's not much for me to talk about today. Oh, excuse me, I meant to say "aboot". Correct pronunciation is vital these days.

For this article today, I'll be holding a special lottery. The rules are simple. One lucky commenter who puts an "X" in their comment for this issue has a chance of becoming an Arch-Bishop for the great and kawaii Haruhii Suzumiya! It's that simple! No stings attached! After all, who doesn't like the prospect of UNLIMITED POWA *shocks a beaver with electric hands*!!!