Blockbuster Scandal Rocks XLYMPIC Games
Gnilraps
Day 3186 of the New World
August 10, 2016
/sarcasm
/satire
/all in good fun
Brief:
In a bombshell document unearthed by 16 Shells, underground sources indicate Xlympics chief HadrianX may be facing charges stemming from back-ally tactics and sleazy sex-driven bias, leading to tainted Xlympic results.
Federalists Under Fire
Unconfirmed reports indicate Melissa Rose and Fingerguns spent 5 hours stroking Hadrian’s “X” in an attempt to bias the judges in favor of Federalist entries.
USAF Allegedly Buying Influence
One particular owner of an IRC bot that boasts access to rooms that even Pfeiffer doesn’t know of said, “HadrianX has been selling influence to minority Xlympic interests for 3 weeks.” It is believed that USAF, in a last ditch bid for relevance, is the focus of these allegations. Tyler Bubblar is believed to be financing the scheme.
EZC Using Multis?
The Xlympics largest contingent, Easy Company MU, has been a major focus of the investigation. Does anyone actually think that “Buckwheat McCoy”, “ComplexCrow”, “JamArber”, and “LuckyNumber85” are actual eRepublic Citizens? Xlympics Chief HadrianX accepted their applications like a hungry wolf receives meat.
I ask you: are the Xlympics for meat?
No.
They are not for meat.
The Xlympics are NOT for meat!
Chickensguys Ignored
Xlympics chief HadrianX claims that the 10cathalon employs “fair” methods of judging “swag”. Meanwhile Chickensguys, eRep’s sultan of blacklisted swag, complains of oversight and bias. “But I AM an American! I really AM!” Chickensguys was reported to have been heard saying, adding, “Yo, Yo, Yo…”.
Tenshibo responded to these allegations, saying “Werd”.
USWP Anti-Feminist
Massive inconsistencies in the “Debate This” event were uncovered by participant “Evry”. Ms. Evry indicated that pragmatic concerns lead to her growing suspicion that the issues raised in the “debate this” event were inherently biased against women. Mr. HadrianX had only one comment, “Evry? She's been pumping that agenda for years. She's not a 'feminist', she's downright gynocentric.” Known misogynist “Pfeiffer” quickly agreed, leading to allegations that USWP was secretly manipulating things behind the scenes in favor of male contestants.
Yui Still Confused
Alleged former “CP” Yui eventually chimed in on the burbling Pfeiffer/Evry/HadrianX controversy saying, “What?”
Nobody bothered to fill him in…
Massive Racial Bias Discovered
Another event that is alleged to be completely rigged is the Mad Libs contest. Our source somehow obtained a list of the words to be requested in the final round. Included are:
Piel Jussive
Pual Participle
First-Yod Hophal
Hithpael Infinitive Construct
Noun Containing a Furtive Patach
Proclitic Preposition
It would seem the game is fixed in favor of the Jews.
While investigations are still under way, 16 Shells recommends that everyone quickly submit his/her entries for the various events that are so obviously tainted.
Click here for a list of Xlympics Team Rosters.
Click here for the Event Schedule.
Click here for a list of competitors for each event.
Click here for a list of judges for each competition.
Just click here. Yum.
Remember, deadline is Thursday.
You may now return to your regularly scheduled clicking
Comments
Poor Chickensguys 🙁
As long as I have efriends I maintain hope.
[removed]
All I can say is fact or fiction, that was some good writing...got me chuckling a few times...
definitely all fiction... just having fun.
Still very much worth the read. Always enjoy your loquacious abilities...
That was pretty heavy.
Your articles are always interesting to read and they also come with good music!
Adminlandia CP Endorses Gnil!
Correction: it most certainly did not take 5 hours.
Pretty sure those SFP guys are running a state sanctioned doping program
The SFP does believe in free dope for all players, but only if grown voluntarily and organically on autonomous communal farms governed by confederal municipalist representative councils.
The bosses ruled we were allowed to compete though, for some reason. Pretty sure PQ's piss has been green since the day he crawled out his parents' den. 🙂
So confused 😨 Do I have to go back to my cave again. Like the last time I took an adventure in th closet. Found Narnia 😃
Your article is infactual. I am not a bot. bot. bot. bot *bbzzzzt* I AM ERROR.
Hm. Seems that the SFP are the only ones not under investigated for corruption. Once again proving that the SFP is above reproach....
😉
It is only because the Red Zeppelin force can destroy the eUSA forums.
I'm so totally insulted. 5 hours.. really?
I'm disappointed of this article. I really hope you and Hadrian come here to say it's just a bad joke.
Hey Mr. Y - yes Gnilraps says he wrote it as a joke at the top of the article.
/sarcasm
/satire
/all in good fun
No worries. 😃
Voted and subscribed despite the clear anti-feminist bent. Where, pray tell, is the eye candy for the ladies? We want equal time.
Not subscribed, endorse. I've been subscribed for years. 😛
FIST