ATTICUSQUATRECP: YOU KNOW IT MAKES SENSE, SAYS ATTICUS [PART UN]

Day 2,201, 17:29 Published in United Kingdom United Kingdom by Citizen 4945322
Hello there. I am Professor Moriarty, sometimes called Atticus, sometimes mistaken for Hugh Jackman. I'm here to tell you that I plan on running for CP. Why, you may ask? well, I have had plenty of experience in small-time roles that I generally leave from. So I assume that I will do well as a CP. Hey! It could be worse! I could be BA!

A LITTLE ABOUT ME

So, who am I. Its a question that the Great Philosopher Derek Zoolander asked himself, and its a question I ask myself now. I am a one-time Spamican, a Bobloist, a committed ESO member, a former Minister of Home Affairs, an editor, a writer, a satirist, Lord of Last Post Wins, a former PP of both ESO and UKDP, and I was the eUK Poet Laureate. But aside from all this, I am also a fairly popular member of the eUK. Apart from with some factions of New Era, who hate me for some reason. I've always been nice to them. And my, will you, and they, enjoy my manifesto.



A LITTLE ABOUT MY vCP

Kevin the ESO Trivia Goat has been a valued and beloved mascot of ESO for many months now, embraced by all. He has an unbending knowledge, running the IRC Trivia Bot with his extensive interest in Whitney Houston Top 40 Hits and Anagrams. He will bring a wealth of reason and love to the vCP role, working hard both domestically and internationally for the best of eUK interests. If anything, he should be popular with people from Wales, Leeds & Aberdeen. And that nervous tick he can sometimes have. Well, blame prominent Welshman Jamesw.



MY PLANS FOR MOHA

What are my plans for the esteemed Ministry of Home Affairs? Well, they can be broken down into the following:

1. The House of Commons shall be replaced by the House of Spamicans. Why have people elected when we all know that the fountain of knowledge in our country emanates from the Spamicans? Mwcerberus, Horice, CaptainChazbeard, Alice, myself. Even the Great & True Boblo! We should be making the important decisions!

2. All Podcast presenters shall be arrested as part of Operation NewTree, in prevention of a possible paedophilia ring. These precautions will of course exclude the honourable HRH King Woldy, so only famous Podcast Entertainer Jimbojoy shall be arrested / punished / executed.

3. There will be a state funeral held for the death of good journalism in the eUK. Lately the remains of eUK journalism have been rotting away and leaving a stench. THEY SHALL BE BURIED.

4. New Era shall be forced to change their names to 'We've been around quite a while now and are no longer New, Era'. To avoid confusion. Time flies. In fact, New Era will be banned. Health & Safety or something.

5. All eUK Citizens shall be forced into participating in the Forums, where they will be fed all their information through a tube. It is there that I will develop my brainwashing experiments, testing them on Noobs.

6. Start Revolution, Put Jamesw on Throne, Create Competition which half the country ignores. Nobody Cares in the end. Ruined.

7. All celebrities described as National Treasures are to be collected by the State and put in a vault.


AND THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING!

Yours,

Prof. Moriarty & Kevin
ATTICUSQUATRECP



And here's what Captain Picard said to Professor Moriarty:
"Professor, I ask you to believe me. If you step out of that door, you will cease to exist."