All I Want For Christmas...

Day 1,120, 20:15 Published in USA USA by Heather Fuchs

No, not these…


This week we’re looking at some neat gift ideas for your favorite Infantry-man or -woman. Christmahannukwanzaakah is right around the corner (or behind it, in some cases), so get shopping!


First up, some military gear. Never can have enough of those guns, tanks and ammo, since the stuff seems to get used up as fast as you buy it.




M-16 Rifle ($400 at Johnny’s World-O-Guns ‘N Ammo)

Nothing says “military standard issue” like a good old M-16 rifle. A staple of the Mobile Infantry at one time, its use has been supplanted somewhat by the next item, but I never met an infantryman who would turn down one of these babies.





Mobile Artillery Unit ($1.2 million, Pentagon Surplus Supply)

For the soldier who just wants to be able to shoot from a few miles away and still get around in style. Comes fully loaded with AC, power steering and enough ordnance to level a medium-sized Phoenix-sympathizing town.





Yellow Plastic Chopper, Pilot Included ($2.99, corner drugstore, in the crap toys section)

This toy is about as sturdy and effective as any Air Unit available through the entire duration of V2 – eRepublik Sinking. Moves under its own power, if you define “own power” as “falling when gravity takes over.” Does not shoot.





Balloon Tank (Helium-Powered) ($24.3 million, National Endowment for the Arts Gift Shop)

This tank has it all! Modeled on the M1 Abrams tanks favored by the US Army and Marine Corps, this little beauty floats better than those pesky sinking metal tanks, making it the ideal gift for those launching an amphibious assault. Can be lifted with one hand and thrown up to 4 body lengths away. Will not withstand a stiff breeze; however, your opponents might fall down laughing, leaving you an opportunity to squash them under your treads. Vulnerable to a magician with a long straightpin.




Now on to the useful stuffs, for those who can't afford the bang and flash anymore, or for the little economist in the family who won't use a weapon below 1000 Strength.




Q5 Food ($5.80 USD at various locations throughout the eUSA)

Want to know what your favorite soldier really wants? See the last option. But if you want to give a practical gift that every soldier can always use, get them this. It’s complete nutrition in addition to being the thing that MI Quartermaster npaidi counts when he can’t fall asleep at night instead of sheep.





Stuffed Kangaroo Rat ($19.99, Amazon.com)

MI Commanding Officer General GoalieBCSC loves these little guys. He keeps a few of them as pets, but why not get him one that won’t cause rabies? Or spread the bubonic plague? Or attempt to stop the subways in NYC by massing on the tracks and demanding better veterinary care? This little guy will keep you warm and cozy as he snuggles right up next to your jugular vein, just waiting for an opportunity to strike.




And last, but certainly not least, everyone’s favorite stocking stuffer…


Lollipops! (25 cents from most retailers, $4.95 per bag of 40, tongue not included)

Who doesn’t love a lollipop? They’re sweet, they exist to be licked, and you can suck them all day and they won’t complain. Perfect for stuffing your stocking.



Coming attractions: Next week, we’ll look at some sweet holiday vacations you can take in the MI! And at some point, I’ll revisit the historical tales of the origins of the Mobile Infantry!



POLL OF THE WEEK

Rats [do]/[do not] have hair on their tails.

Provide your answer in the comments section. Percentages will be posted as they come in.


UPDATE: Poll results so far are 75% say rats DO have hair on their tails, 25% sat they DON'T.



Remember, kids, if you can do 45 damage (influence) barehanded, or you have at least 200 Strength and a battlefield rank of at least Lieutenant, you too could be a member of the Mobile Infantry!!!


If not, then get your military career started in the Training Corps!



Heading for the mall,
Captain Spamgobbler
Press Officer
PCO, Charlie-7
eUS Mobile Infantry