A Pimp for President

Day 4,421, 20:32 • Published in USA USA • by PimpDollaz

When was the last time you got slapped in the face and liked it?




Must be played at the appropriate volume



Greetings America, it’s been a while, hope your holidays have been good, but now it’s time for you to make a choice. I’ve been noticing the trends taken by the current administration, and I am not happy with the direction we are going. You could say that I’m getting sick and tired of chickens on this motherfn plane. That is why I’ve decided to run for President.


About Me


I’ve been playing this game for over a decade. There aren’t too many of us around from that time. Call me foolish for kicking around for that long, but I’ve done everything except be CP. I’ve seen it all, and I can tell you what’s going to happen next if we stay on our current course.


But Pimp, you’ve been in a bunch of different parties, what’s the deal? Yes, true, but at the end of the day, our duty is to country first, not to bicker and squabble internally. I am hoping to reach across party lines and do what is best for the nation and our allies. I would rather not be a divider with all this nonsense about walls and such.



Militarily Speaking


Don’t hope for anything thrilling. You have to understand that in the context of this game, we are not a top tier power. That’s just the reality of it. I am not aiming to replicate the stupidity of predecessors by attacking stronger nations and getting us wiped for a year (thanks fluffer). Nor am I interested in useless endeavours like attacking places for no good reason and having the international community laugh at our folly (*cough* London *cough* ). What I am interested in is playing the alliance game, in which we can be useful in aiding CODE and rehabilitating our standing after many years of just looking out for our own interests. Furthermore, I am not comfortable with having a known enemy nation doing a training war on our soil. If elected, I will cancel any activities with Poland. For my tastes, it’s still too soon to be dealing with them after they participated in our recent wipe and occupation. There are plenty of other nations available that don’t have a history of double dealing with us. Yes, Poland was once an ally, and with the shifting tides of this game, may yet be again. But that time is certainly not now my friends.



Regarding the henhouse


An ex-girlfriend of mine works as a public school teacher. I asked her one day how she is able to deal with and assess so many different children at once. She told me that the only thing she has to remember is that past behaviour is always the best indicator of future behaviour. Kids that consistently do their homework will always do their homework. By the same token, players that have a history of working against the common good for their own personal gain will do so again in the future. Chickens just don’t change their spots. I know that many of you playing the game now are too e-young to remember that our current President has an established history of letting foreign enemies into the eUS to destroy us and further his own nefarious interests. He also started an unnecessary dictatorship war after illegally obtaining citizenship solely to further his own agenda that went against the interests of the country. That’s not me politicking for votes, those are cold, hard facts. Ask any oldfg worth their salt.


Go home Pimp, you are stoned, why should that matter now?


Because it’s going to happen again, that’s why. Mark these words. Like I said, I’ve been here longer than reasonable and I’ve seen this movie a million times. First comes the consorting with enemy nations, training war here, build a wall there, next comes the selling out of our allies. I’ve seen it happen before, and if human nature is any indication, it’s happening right now. It’s just so predictable that it hurts. Don’t believe me, just watch.



What can you do?


If you don’t like what you see, you have agency to change things. Don’t let populism do your thinking for you. Do your research and apply some critical thinking. In fact, if you want to help out, drop me a line, I can find a position for you. No experience is needed, just the will to not repeat the same mistakes of the past. Better yet, vote against the status quo. Admittedly, I do not have an army of multis at my disposal, and that certainly puts me behind the proverbial eight ball, but that’s where you come in. Don’t settle for someone who’s thrown you in front of the bus before and is doing it again by degrees.