A few funnies to brighten yer day

Day 2,474, 13:02 Published in Poland United Kingdom by mick cain

The Sensitive Man
A woman meets a man in a bar.



They talk; they connect; they end
up leaving together.







They get back to his place,







and he shows her around his
apartment.




She notices that one wall of his
bedroom is






completely filled with soft, sweet,
cuddly teddy bears.






There are three shelves in the
bedroom,





with hundreds and hundreds of cute,





cuddly teddy bears carefully placed
in rows, covering the entire wall!





It was obvious that he had taken
quite some time to lovingly arrange them





and she was immediately touched





by the amount of thought he had
put into organizing the display.






There were small bears all along
the bottom shelf,






medium-sized bears covering the
length of the middle shelf,




and huge, enormous bears running
all the way along the top shelf.


She found it strange for an
obviously masculine guy





to have such a large collection of
Teddy Bears..





She is quite impressed by his
sensitive side





but doesn't mention this to him.




They share a bottle of wine and
continue talking and,





after awhile, she finds herself
thinking,





'Oh my God! Maybe, this guy
could be the one!





Maybe he could be the future
father of my children?'




She turns to him and kisses him
lightly on the lips.






He responds warmly.





They continue to kiss, the passion builds,




and he romantically lifts her in
his arms and carries her into the bedroom.


After an intense, explosive night
of raw passion with this sensitive guy,




they are lying there together in
the afterglow.





The woman rolls over, gently
strokes his chest and asks coyly,




'Well, how was it?'




The guy gently smiles at her,





strokes her cheek,




looks deeply into her eyes,




and says:






'Help yourself to any prize




from the bottom shelf.'


The Apostles and Jesus The BIGGEST Miracle....
>
>
>
> According to the Bible, Jesus was born in Bethlehem, in Palestine, a
> country full of people called Mohammed, Abdul, Mounir, Aziz, Ashad,
> Ahmed, Farid, Faroukh, Omar, Isha, Musa, Youssouf, Mouloud, etc.
>
> And yet He managed to find 12 friends called Matthew, Mark, Peter,
> John, James, Bartholomew, Phillip, Thomas, Luke, Andrew, Simon and
> Judas Iscariot
> - and they all drank wine!
>
>
> Now that's what I call a miracle!
>



You Have to have A Positive Attitude...

On Thursday night he gradually came out of his coma. Stiff as a board and in pain in the hospital's ICU, with tubes up his nose & down his throat, wires monitoring every function and a gorgeous nurse hovering over him. It was obvious he'd been in a serious accident.





She gave him a deep and steady heartfelt look straight in the eyes, and he heard her slowly say, "You may not feel anything from the waist down."





He somehow managed to mumble in reply, "Can I just feel your tits then?"





NOW THAT'S WHAT I CALL A POSITIVE ATTITUDE...



: Shaggy Dog Story
>
>
>
>
> As a butcher is shooing a dog from his shop, he sees $10 and a
> note in his mouth, reading: "10 lamb chops, please."
> Amazed, he takes the money, puts a bag of chops in the dog's
> mouth, and quickly closes the shop.
> He follows the dog and watches him wait for a green light, look
> both ways, and trot across the road to a bus-stop.
> The dog checks the timetable and sits on the bench. When a bus
> arrives, he walks around to the front and looks at the number, then boards
> the bus.
> The butcher follows, dumbstruck.
> As the bus travels out into the suburbs, the dog takes in the
> scenery.
> After awhile he stands on his back paws to push the "stop" bell,
> then the butcher follows him off.
> The dog runs up to a house and drops his bag on the step. He goes
> back down the path, takes a big run, and throws himself -Whap!- against the
> door. He does this again and again.
> No answer. So he jumps on a wall, walks around the garden, beats
> his head against a window, jumps off, and waits at the front door.
> A big guy opens it and starts cursing and shouting at the dog.
> The butcher runs up screams at the guy:
> "What the hell are you doing?
> This dog's a genius!"
> The owner responds,
> "Genius, my arse.”
> It's the second time this week he's forgotten his key!"
>