Joke of the Day - Air force Maintenance logs
Binda33
Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by US Air Force pilots and the replies from the maintenance crews.
Problem: "Left inside main tire almost needs replacement."
Solution: "Almost replaced left inside main tire."
Problem: "Test flight OK, except autoland very rough."
Solution: "Autoland not installed on this aircraft."
Problem: "The autopilot doesn't."
Solution: "It does now."
Problem: "Something loose in cockpit."
Solution: "Something tightened in cockpit."
Problem: "Evidence of hydraulic leak on right main landing gear."
Solution: "Evidence removed."
Problem: "DME volume unbelievably loud."
Solution: "Volume set to more believable level."
Problem: "Dead bugs on windshield."
Solution: "Live bugs on order."
Problem: "Autopilot in altitude hold mode produces a 200 fpm descent."
Solution: "Cannot reproduce problem on ground."
Problem: "IFF inoperative."
Solution: "IFF inoperative in OFF mode."
Problem: "Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick."
Solution: "That's what they're there for."
Problem: "Number three engine missing."
Solution: "Engine found on right wing after brief search."
Comments
Laughed shamelessly.
+1
Weapons Q1 (0.115G) Send PM and/or money if interested to buy.
lol how do you know where there is a pilot in the room? Don't worry, he'll tell you (too many bad experiences with raaf idiots in NT lol)
lol
Heh, sounds exactly like my old work as Tech Support.
LOL!
I love the second one. That's a really lucky pilot.
Does everyone get the last one. I will ruin it sorta but it's still funny. Misssing in pilot speak means the engine is missing the beat. I will do my verbal internet interpretaion of what it might sound like during flight(my guess): vrmmm...............vrm.vrm.......vrmmmmmmmmm..............vrm.........
🙂
Otherwise they're great. Sorry to bring my semi-nerdiness into this.
Heard em before but still funny 🙂
Lol @ Listhp - Can you do your impression of an engine for me again?
Since you brought up the U.S. Air Force I have a funny story I heard from a friend who's a Colonel in the U.S. Air Force... the real one. This is a true story. It involves Australia so some of you may have heard it.
The Australian Army developed a new helicopter flight simulator that would replicate the unique environment of fighting in the Outback. It would replicate weather patterns (hence why my friend who's a meterologist for the U.S. Air Force was shown this) and the wildlife of the Outback. The Australian Army proudly invited American observers from the US Army and US Air Force for the unveiling of this new flight simulator.
Everything was going well. The pilot in the simulator was flying through the paces. The computer was performing perfectly. The simulations were behaving correctly. Like when the helicopter flew up over a ridge, it disturbed a mob of kangaroos. As a mob of Kangaroos will do when approached suddenly by a loud helicopter, they scattered like a flock of birds. Soldiers can observe the behavior of animals to detect an ambush.
It was perfect. And then the helicopter got shot down by a surface-to-air missile. But there was nothing alive on the screen except that mob of kangaroos. The missile trajectory was traced and discovered that the roos had fired the missile!
It turned out upon examination of the program that the programmers had cut some corners. They cut and pasted the infantry module for the kangaroos, and only changed the icon. Infantry, like a mob of kangaroos, would scatter when suddenly approached by a helicopter. They forgot to consider that unlike kangaroos, the infantry will regroup and get out their missile launchers. But this was after the observers had left Australia with a great respect for Australia's wildlife vowing they should never try invading Australia.
@Pete Zahutt
Awesome!!!! LOL
LOL... @Pete Zahutt too!
!!!!!
Pete, I actually have that same story told here. Let me find the link...
Here it is: http://www.erepublik.com/en/article/joke-of-the-day-combat-kangaroos-925858/1/20" target="_blank">http://www.erepublik.com/en/article/joke[..]/1/20
(Problem) Aircraft handles funny
(Solution) Aircraft warned to straighten up, "flyright", and be serious
(Problem) Target Radar hums
(Solution) Reprogrammed Target Radar with the lyrics
(Problem) Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
(Solution) Took hammer away from midget
@Peter Zahut LOL!
Imma looking at the jokes right to da beginning of these things.