Super Stealth Zombie Ninja Death Squad Revealed!
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by Jameson L. Tai
For the longest time, the eUS Army has denied the existence of the 3rd Infantry Division, and recently - 1st Infantry Division 4th Platoon. Cover ups were made across the board - from denying and deleting the 3rd Infantry Division forum thread... to random disappearances of soldiers in 1/4.
Tremaine, the Executive Officer of the Army has issued an unofficial statement on IRC stating:
&Tremaine- we do not have the 1/4 at this time
&Tremaine- it was wiped out in a tragic helicopter accident in the Mojave desert
&Tremaine- terrible
Former XO of the 1st Infantry Division, Ian John Locke IV, had "absolutely no idea what the hell you're talking about" and subsequently kicked me off of the army IRC channel.
But The Blag boldly reveals in an exclusive - that the missing units have been converted into a secret squad, so secret no one below a lieutenant colonel knows what's going on - UNTIL NOW.
The Super Stealth Zombie Ninja Death Squad is headed by no other than JOSEPH SCHMO. By faking his retirement, Joseph has been stepping up his own personal army after recruiting the best for himself. This shocking news comes after a leak was discovered in the depths of the "Questions for the Generals" thread in the forums. (The image is the stolen avatar from Joseph Schmo... who apparently is now a Colonel...)
Although details of this death squad is still not completely known, it is clear that the Army has been restructuring into an indestructible force - hiding in disguise. Forget killer squirrels, who cares about rabbing rabbits, polar bear ambushes... BEWARE of the Super Stealth Zombie Ninja Death Squad!!!
To join this elite unit you must be a member of the eUS Army (then declared dead by Army officials)... Take the first step! Join the eUS Army! http://spreadsheets.google.com/viewform?hl=en&formkey=cC1RejQwOFdZbTIzbDFMQmFhX2RaTGc6MA..
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Comments
Delta Force and the 3rd DIvision do not exist.
No comment.
Best recruitment campaign evar.
Badges? Badges?! We don't need no steenking badges!!
AAAAAAAAHHHHHHH ZOMBIES!!!!!
RUN FOR COVER!!!!
quickly leave some fatty behind!!! he will sacrifice himself for us!!!
The Army has no official opinion on this issue, however we beleive the thought of Zombies is pure fiction.
This explains so much
and yet so very little
Poor Mojave desert, those soldiers probably hit it pretty hard. We've got some thick skulls.
It's a big government conspiracy!
Area 51 HQ
Foolish idea. Won't work until the admins create Brains companies.
woohoo! Brains4Dead
HA!! The 3rd Division DID exist at one time, I should know (eh, Tremaine?)
Yes Max, you were at one time the Colonel of the Third Division. However, it has since been classified as an inactive divison and is awaiting its reactivation. Thus, there is no Zombie Ninja Death Squad.
...or is there?
Shhhhh Jameson!
Perhaps, Schmo...Or perhaps I simply stepped aside to allow the developent of said Zombie Ninja Death Squad in the Halls of Montezuma...
I need you to look into the little red light and remember I do not exsist, I am simply a figment of your imagination.
FLASH
You sure were lucky back there, your computer crashed when you were on Amazon.com
Genious way go building up eUS army recruitment. Even more genious because zombie ninja's totally should be their own fighting force, you cant mix and its hard to have a "don't ask don't tell policy" when the guy in the bunk next to you wants to eat your brains in a sushi roll...
"Super Stealth Zombie Ninja Death Squad"
Lol, its clearly fake. This is just a small newspaper (25 subscribers today, day 589) That wants attention so it can get too the top 5 articles and gain some more subscribers. FAIL.
Bored dead you retard it's a recruitment thing.
Anyway I was in 3rd div when It was deactivated does that make me a zombie