Campaign Article 3: William Shafer, Pleasures From Behind, and GoddessMedyPi

Day 582, 13:39 • Published in USA USA • by ClammyJim
William Shafer

William Shafer, an unassuming young man with a heart of gold, but with terrible secrets...and they are here to be revealed to all of you...NOW!

1. Pierricbross is obsessed with him, and it is rumored that he might be obsessed back? True? Probably not, but who cares, I'm going to say it anyway.

2. He sucks. Wait, that's not a secret, we all already knew that.

3. He hates people. A source says that he is planning a large-scale assault on the human race, in hopes of destroying everyone and their families.

4. He kicks puppies, but leaves cats unscathed. What a horrible person he is!

5. He's a marginal human being. He's very sub-par at just existing, and he can't be trusted to be by himself because he might do something stupid...scratch that, will do something stupid.

6. He likes Hannah Montana. Alright, that's the last straw Mr. Shafer.

So, if anyone wants to join in on an angry mob to hunt him out of the eUSA, grab your Q5 pitchforks and torches and we'll go get him!

Pleasures From Behind

I'm here to give my opinion on...how do you say this gracefully? Having love times in a crappy area. You see, this never made sense to me, I always think, "Wow, there is stuff that comes out of here, that I don't care for..." So, I personally am disgusted by it. It's not more pleasurable either, maybe that's just due to the fact I'm so preoccupied with what she may have had to eat recently, I can't focus. Oh well, if you like to take the backdoor, go ahead, but know that she uses that for rather unpleasant activities.

GoddessMedyPi

The final topic of discussion in this article is why PrincessMedyPi is a goddess. There really is no need to explain it. She just is, and we all know it in our hearts. From her awesome to her win, she is just too good to be true, and that's why, she obviously can't be a mortal human being. She is PrincessMedyPi, goddess of eRep! HEAR HER ROAR! I think we can all agree that she is too cool for school, and she really is all that and a bag of chips.

So Utah, now that you know my stance on important issues, remember to vote ClammyJim tomorrow.