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All Soldiers, Report to Barracks For Training

ATTN: All Armed Forces of the Philippines Personnel

Please report to the Barracks Mess Hall (http://ephilippines.forummotion.com/mess-hall-f35/) to register for training. Registration is absolutely free and open to all AFP soldiers.

Before you can access the barracks, you must first request access here: http://ephilippines.forummotion.com/general-f13/require-access-to-military-barracks-t194.htm. Just follow the easy instructions.

However, you must first be a member of the Armed Forces of the Philippines (AFP). Please register here: http://spreadsheets.google.com/viewform?formkey=cE80QUxkV21JRDBlQjR2aklOSGRiU2c6MA

Membership is open to all.

The following is a list of all the training programs available to the valiant men and women of the Invincible and Untouchable Armed Forces of the Philippines.

US Navy S.E.A.L. Sniper Pirate Shootout Training



The elite soldiers of the Invincible and Untouchable Armed Forces of the Philippines should be able to parachute on the open sea in the dead of night, climb up on the fantail of a destroyer, and take out 3 pirates on a vessel less than a hundred meters away with just 3 bullets, while taking into consideration the undulations of the ocean and wearing a tight and sexy leather outfit.

Biological Warfare Engineering and Proliferation Logistics Training



All members of the AFP aspiring to become Philippine Army Special Operations Command (SOCOM) operatives or Philippine Navy Marines are required to undergo training in the design and creation of biological weapons and agents, and their strategic distribution into target sites.

Basic Greek Demigod Training



All members of the AFP should undergo training in the basics of how to fight like a Greek demigod, like Achilles, among others.

Our soldiers must be proficient in the use of spears, short-swords, bucklers and lightning-fast acrobatic moves.

Defending a Fortified Position

Members of the Invincible and Untouchable Armed Forces of the Philippines should learn to defend fortified positions while being heavily outnumbered and having limited resources.

Hitman-Sniper Training



Aspiring Marines and SOCOM operatives should be able to perform routine assassination missions using high-powered long-range/automatic rifles.

Cryogenic Viking Rescue Training



Aspiring Marines and SOCOM should be able to rescue Vikings trapped in blocks of ice.

Helicopter Pilot Training



Test your reflexes and flying skills.

Stunt Pilot Training

Just so you are fully prepared for dog fighting.

Puzzle-Solving Training

Aspiring members of the you-know-what should not be without acute puzzle-solving skills which will be of paramount importance in mission-critical situations.

High Speed Drift Racing in Various Weather/Visibility/Road Conditions Training



The elite soldiers of the Invincible and Untouchable Armed Forces of the Philippines, especially those aspiring to become members of the Philippine Navy Marine Corps or the Philippine Army Special Operations Command, should be able to handle high-speed drifting in various weather, visibility and road conditions, which may especially be helpful in search-and-rescue missions, escort missions, security detail missions gone wrong, kidnapping missions, and capture the flag tournaments.

Parachute Training



AFP soldiers should, especially those aspiring to be Marines or Army SOCOM, should be able to coordinate parachute missions.

Overseas Counter-Terrorism/Counter-Insurgency Training



Aspiring members of the Philippine Army SOCOM and the Philippine Navy Marines... yadiyah diyah...

Extracting A Horse From A Locked Barn Training



... should be able to get a horse out of a locked barn.

So, what are you waiting for, soldier?! On the double! Pronto! Hora mismo! Andale! Andale!

Yours,

Ariel David Buena
Corporal
Philippine Army
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May 13, 2009