Jizzie Wants YOU for His (Revised) Sexy Cabinet

Day 472, 13:31 Published in South Africa Sweden by Jizzie McGuire

True to my promise to make our government more compact and streamlined, I have finalized the make-up of the cabinet and the positions available by merging positions and eliminating redundancies. I apologize to those of you who were listed on my tentative cabinet and who do not find yourselves here, but keep in mind that there will be department leadership slots that need to be filled and the fact that my door is always open to ideas, regardless of your party or your status. After much discussion with Mr. Roan and Mr. Vellos and after deep, sexy thought, I have come up with what I believe is a lean, mean, and effective cabinet.

The activities of the cabinet will be overseen and coordinated by the Chief of Staff, Mr. Howard Roan, who will report their activities to me and will see to it that my policies are enacted by the Ministries responsible. He will also serve as advisor to me and Vice President Joey the Redd. As VP, Mr. Redd will formulate policy with me and Mr. Roan, and will assume presidential duties when I am absent. He has my permission to enact and approve policy decisions in my absence, as I do not want any sort of “caretaker” government to slow down progress if I am away for an unforeseen extended period. The Cos, VP or the president will provide regular reports on the government's activities to the citizens of eSouth Africa, so that the administration is transparent and open to all.

I have chosen Howard Roan to serve as CoS because he is an old friend and a loyal eSouth African, whose intelligence I respect and because he is not afraid to argue with me and tell me I am wrong. He is a great leader who runs things with a steady, rational hand, and he is one of the most trustworthy individuals I know in eR. For those of you who fear a Leftist-dominated government, you will be relieved to know that Howard is a hard centrist and along with Vellos and Austerion, he was most responsible from moving the BLF from far-left to center-left. He will be an excellent balance to the more Left-leaning views of the president and vice president.

Joey the Redd was chosen to serve as vice president because of his leadership and organizational skills, and because of his loyalty to eSouth Africa and his desire to work for progress and the improvement of our nation. He proved to me that he is a true patriot and a man of honor when he unselfishly endorsed my campaign early on, giving up his own presidential run for the sake of South African unity. Without his huge sacrifice and the support of his comrades, I would not be here before you today as president. He has shown that he is willing to put aside ideology and party differences to work for a common goal: the growth, safety and prosperity of our great country. These qualities displayed by Mr. Redd make him eminently qualified for the position of Vice President.

I set up this administration with the words of Hireshmont Vellos in mind as he described it this way: “The CABINET members basically people who are good at organizing and working with people. DEPARTMENT heads are the people who predominantly focus on being good at the task itself.” This eliminates the need for redundant positions and “deputies.”

The cabinet will look like this (I will follow with some explanation of the positions and why I chose the people I did to fill them):

Minister of Economy- Hireshmont Vellos
Minister of Public Affairs- Gabriel Borien
Minister of Foreign Affairs- James Silver
Minister of Security- Rico Suave: Depts. Of Defense (Austerion) and Intelligence (Dagari) will report to Rico
Minister of Justice- Peter Banko

Each Minister will have permission to create departments within their ministries that will report to them. The Security Ministry is exceptional in that two departments are already established and manned (with both mine and Rico’s approval), and Rico will have the option of creating others pending my approval (I recommend a foreign intel dept. as well, possibly headed by N4ked Sn4ke). Ministers will report their actions and any additional departments and appointments to Howard Roan, who well then organize the information and requests for my approval. I will now describe the duties of the ministries and explain my reasons for choosing the ministers. At the current time, all have accepted their nominations except for Mr. Silver and Mr. Banko, who I will pm personally.

The Economics Minister remains as it always has with the able Mr. Vellos at the helm. I do not feel I need to explain why I chose Mr. Vellos as most everyone knows that he is perhaps the greatest economic wizard eSouth Africa has ever known. I have complete trust in Hireshmont and will rely heavily on his skills and advice. It is an honor to have him as a friend and a member of my administration.

The Minister of Public Affairs will be responsible for the health, employment and education in eSouth Africa. Helping and educating newcomers will be a big part of this, and I foresee the creation of three departments that will work under and report to the minister, Mr. Gabriel Borien. Mr. Borien has shown an uncanny ability to recruit and educate new members and was one of the driving forces behind the BLF’s stunning presidential victory and the unprecedented voter turnout. He has expressed interest in helping newcomers and has undertaken the daunting task of aiding and educating large numbers of newcomers on his own as a private citizen. I can think of no better individual than our own guardian angel Gabriel to fill this role. If he is willing and available, I would also like to see Lucien Morjuet made head of the Health Dept. under Mr. Borien, pending Gabriel’s approval and Mr. Morjuet’s acceptance.

The Minister of Foreign Affairs will continue to perform the roles it always has: formulating foreign policy with the president, VP and CoS, negotiating with large, key nations, and the appointment of ambassadors who report to him. The MoFA will work with me, Mr. Redd and Mr. Roan to create and enact foreign policy and will take part in negotiations with eR powers like eIndonesia, eUSA, eRomania, eArgentina and others. He has the power to nominate ambassadors, whom I will approve or decline, that will enact our policies and who will report to him, which will then be passed on to Mr. Roan (who will then organize the information and present it to me and VP Joey the Redd). I initially chose Browski for this position, but he has declined in favor of James Silver. I trust Browski’s judgment in this matter and have also observed Mr. Silver’s skill and enthusiasm for the role, so am in no doubt that he will serve his country and this administration well.

The Security Ministry combines the old Defense and Intel Ministries into one position which will be responsible for overseeing our military and intelligence activities both inside the country and out. It is also the only ministry that already has two departments in effect with leaders in place: Dept. of Defense under Brendan Austerion and the South African Intelligence Agency under Ryan Dagari. These are two extremely important departments led by the individuals who are most responsible for their establishment and success. Fortunately, Mr. Suave is in agreement with me on these departments and their heads. Both departments and any others that Rico creates (pending my approval) will be overseen by Mr. Suave and will report their activities to him, which he will relay to me, Mr. Roan and Mr. Redd. This will be an enormous task and has the potential to make the minister one of the most powerful individuals in the country, which is why I chose Rico Suave for the role. He is an extremely gifted primate who has shown exceptional skill both militarily and in the intelligence field, which I think make him uniquely qualified for the task. For a big hairy ape, he is extremely intelligent, rational and reasonable, and has been a friend to me and a loyal eSouth African for many months now. His connections with several major nations throughout eR will make him a valuable asset as well.

The Minister of Justice will preside over any court cases that may arise and more importantly, he will be given the task of revising our Constitution to make it more clear and concise. To do this, I will ask him to appoint a panel of Congressmen that is made up of all parties within eSouth Africa to study, discuss, and initiate changes that will make the eSouth African Constitution less vague and more representative of the people as a whole, instead of just those in the major parties. While his panel appointments will need to be approved by me and any Constitutional changes ratified by the Congress (if that is possible on eR), any judicial decisions he makes will be final. I have chosen Peter Banko for this position as he has proven to me that he is willing to put country over party and that he will look at the issues at hand without being biased because of party or ideology. He is rational and not hasty in his judgments, yet when he makes a decision, he does so with confidence and with firm resolve. These are exactly the qualities I look for in a Minister of Justice and I sincerely hope that Mr. Banko accepts the position.

So that is my official cabinet (pending acceptance of Mr. Silver and Mr. Banko). I have tried to make it as inclusive and sexy as possible without sacrificing quality and experience. I am sure some of you will be disappointed that you were not included or that not enough of your party was represented, but rest assured that I will do my best to see that all voices are heard and that no minister or department head oversteps their bounds or abuses their office. I take full responsibility for the actions (or inaction) of my administration and will take the blame for any failures. By the same token, I will remove any minister or department head I feel is not doing their job correctly or at all. I will rely on my CoS and the ministers themselves to keep me abreast of all activity and will not hesitate to remove anyone we deem to be poor performers.

Thank you again eSouth Africa, for entrusting me with the leadership of your great country. I vow to serve you with the best of my ability and to fulfill all the goals and expectations you had when you voted for me. Now let’s get to work for the future of our eSouth African nation, you sexy eSouth Africans.