Breaking News: Zanalan Is Not Real
Augustus Baldwin
Ottawa, Canada-- Anonymous sources within the government confirmed today that Prime Minister Zanalan is indeed a figment of everyone's imagination. Through a series of covert interviews with government ministers and CSD members, private investigators were able to determine that Prime Minister Zanalan had died several days after taking office and his continued existence has in fact been a fabrication by CSD Vice-President (now President) Dominik.
Suspicions had mounted over the existence of Zanalan after long stretches of inactivity, only broken when Dominik was approached and a message from the Prime Minister seemed to magically appear. Concern was heightened after several Congress members had reported seeing the ghost of Zanalan wandering the halls of the Parliament Building, eternally seeking his dead body, which Acting Prime Minister Dominik had apparently fashioned into some kind of lifelike puppet suit.
When approached for comment Dominik insisted that we should "look right behind us, because Zanalan is there right now", only to lament that we had "just missed him" when we did indeed turn around and found nothing.
Constitutional scholars were unable to find a precedent concerning the legality of a supernatural Prime Minister, or as to whether Dominik's Zanalan suit did in fact constitute the abuse of a corpse.
Government officials have called the Ghost Busters, who are expected to eliminate the Zanalan-ghost infestation from the Parliament Building by the end of the week.
Coming Up Next: Reporters Discover That Derakor Is In Fact Two Monkeys in a Trench Coat, and Why He Plans To Steal All Canada's Bananas If Elected.
Voted 1# - Shameless Plug Best Article Award (click here)
Comments
XD Voted 🙂
? What are you talking about Augustus?
Don't worry Joey, the Ghost Busters will handle this.
voted 🙂
??? I think Agustus has lost his coconuts 😒
Lol
...wow
this isn't just attacking an idea it's attacking people... ghost busters, who would be in the ghost busters now-a-days?
and the comment about Derakor is just random
The Ghost Busters are all the same man, they never change, they are the Ghost Busters!
The Derakor part is tomorrow's story. This is an election long special series of investigative reports.
We have:
1) The Ghost of Zanalan
2) Derakor Goes Bananas
3) Bruck Saves Burning Orphans From Being Crushed By School Bus Driven By a Drunken Dominik
4) Augustus Baldwin Defeats Godzilla, Saves Toronto
Fan-f*cking-tastic Baldwin.
If I could subscribe 25 times, I would.
Agreed with banach, 🙂 This put a smile on my face 🙂
i can see it in her eyyyyeeeyyyyyyyeeyyyyyes
when she turns to me and smiiiiieeeiiiiiieeeeiiiilles
everything feels so riiiiiiiiieeiiiiieeeiiiiiiiiii ght
until the morning Llllliiiiiiiiieeeiiiiiiiieeeee iiiiight
Augustus if you ran for prez I would vote for you based on this..
If you're trying to make a serious point I must have missed it.
Wait... If Zanalan is dead then who's laundry have i been doing for the past 3 weeks?
I've accepted that no matter what i write it will be attacked by the opposition zombie squads, so I figure I may as well take a satirical look at real issues.
Its just more fun for me that way.
Though it does shed some light on why you began attacking me despite my being among the only opponents of yours that remained respectful.
Also, amusing as this may be, you know full well that Zanalan was on this morning- look in the Council of Congress.
Can I get the puppet suit? I've got a party to go to, and I want to look snazzy.
The Baldwin Propaganda mill puts out more drivel in a pathetic attempt to get his pet elected to the highest office in the land.
Despicable.
This is only degrading eCanadian Politics further
I don't understand why Baldwin had to break the political cease-fire. Since AB left active politics, there has been nothing but harmonious cooperation for a better Canada. Now he's back, it's propaganda once more.
Ain't that puppet picture ironic too? AB= puppeteer, Bruck= puppet. Funny how AB whines about CSD/CCF "attacking" when he's the only one making unconstructive propaganda articles ridiculing his opponents.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Voted...
What can I say?Ha?
I Impeachment him !!! 🙂) 🙂) 🙂)
Vote it UP UP UP 7UP !!!!
Proposed by Explosion, 5 minutes ago
Do you want the current president of Canada to end this office?
What the hell man? This is clearly a joke... why is zanalan being impeached?
Even if there was absolutely any reason to impeach, other than him not being on for *gasp* eight hours, this is unconstitutional and will result in a lawsuit.
Yeah it is really a joke and I do this only for laughing!!!
Just it...
I don't impleach him really!!!
I myself vote NO !!!!
IT'S ONLY JOKE....
PLEASE VOTE IT NO !!!!
Is this good now?
Coming from the puppet master behind Bruck, this whole article is pretty cute...
I miss the good old CPF...
l o l
Politic is fun
Waste of a law proposal...stupid move...
AB: This is disgusting. Do not joke about death, even in a eRep sense.
*glad to be free of the plague of Canada, the propaganda machine of Augustus Baldwin*
Well said Mr. Rearden
is this a joke??
Putting a little fun into politics certainly has my vote. Even if the impeachment proposal may have crossed a line, I had a good laugh reading the original article.
Rofl. Dont forget the story of how i saved a group of nuns from getting ran over, by valiantly jumping in the street and pushing them away!
I agree with Rearden...Augustus knows how to slop on the propaganda hot and heavy. Do you have any other tactic Baldwin? Dressing it up as satirical doesn't make it any less pathetic.
LOL! AB, sometimes you stretch too far... But how'd you know the I'm somehow managed by 2 monkeys. 😛
So THATS why I get chills everytime I log onto the forums
I hate to say it but... The article itself was funny.
Lighten up a little bit guys. 🙂
Lol apparently I am the new Orson Wells, if only because Explosion had a good laugh about it! 🙂
I think my next article shall be: "Technicians find CSD robots accidentally built without humor chip". Except David of course, who is a real boy!
PS Cottus: Count yourself lucky I don't branch off into Australia and chase you out of that country too!
Augustus, did you lose your head? The P.M. has a life that includes family & possibly work. Honestly, do you have a job in RL or friends outside erepublik. If not, GET A LIFE!!!!!!!!
(p.s., your newspaper is biased to the bull* it is typed on... anyways, have a good day!)
I love the lack of humor in this joint...
Funny article. Voted.
If only all investigative reports were like this. Voted.
Yet highly amusing! You aren't getting my vote but you are getting my SMILES.
This is nonsense.
Utter ridiculous.
Nonsense
Haha right on Augustus. It's good to smile once and awhile.
Well damn, I didn't realize I had died. Did I at least have a nice funeral?
Augustus, it saddens me to see that you have decided to return to politics by libel. I understand that this was effective when you tried to defeat Cottus. Times have changed, Augustus. Unfortunately, you do not seem to have changed with the times.
I only feel pity for you, and pity for those who have chosen to buy in to your methods.
Lol