Day 400, 01:17 Published in United Kingdom United Kingdom by Horice P Fossil

'Twas the night before christmas and santa's a wreck
How to live in a world thats politically correct?
His workers no longer would answer to "Elves".
"Vertically challenged" they were calling themselves.
And labour conditions at the north pole
Were alleged by the union to stifle the soul.

Four reindeer had vanished,without much propiety,
Released to the wilds by the humane society.
And equal employment had made it quite clear
That santa had better not use just reindeer
So Dancer and Donner,Comet and Cupid
Were replaced with 4 pigs,and you know that looked stupid

The runners had been removed fom his sleigh
The ruts were termed dangerous by the E.P.A
And people had started to call for the cops
When they heard sled noises on thier rooftops
Second-hand smoke from his pipe had his workers quite frightened.
His fur trimmed red suit was called "unenlightened".

And to show you the strangeness of lifes ebbs and flows,
Rudolf was suing over unauthorised use of his nose
And gone on Trisha,in front of the nation
Demanding millions in over-due compensation
So,half of the reindeer were gone,and his wife,
Who suddenly said she'd enough of this life,
Joined a self-help group,packed,and left in a whiz,
Demanding from now on her title was Ms.
And as for the gifts,why,he'd never had a notion
That making a choice could cause so much commotion
Nothing leather,nothing fur,
Which meant nothing for him and nothing for her

Nothing that might be construed to pollute.
Nothing to aim,nothing to shoot.
Nothing that clamoured or made lots of noise.
Nothing for just girls,or just for boys.
Nothing that claimed to be gender specific.
Nothing that's warlike or non-pacifistic.

No candy or sweets....they were bad for the tooth.
Nothing that seemed to embellish the truth.
And fairy tales,while not yet forbidden,
Were like Ken and Barbie,better off hidden.
For they raised the hackles of those pyschological
Who claimed the only good gift was one ecological.

No baseball,no football....someone could get hurt;
Besides,playing sports exposed kids dirt.
Dolls were said to be sexist,and should be passe;
And nintando would rot your entire brain away
So santa just stood there,dishevelled,perplexed;
He just could not figure out what to do next

He tried to be merry,tried to be gay,
But you've got to be careful with that word today.
His sack was quiye empty,limp to the ground;
Nothing fully acceptable was to be found.
Something special was needed,a gift gift that he might
Give to all without angering the left or the right.

A gift that would satisfy,with no indecision,
Each group of people,every religion;
Every ethnicity,every hue,
Everyone,everywhere....even you.
So here is the gift.it's price beyond worth....

Merry christmas and a happy new year to all in the Erepublik !
Horice 🙂