Despatche Radio (AM Voëlvry, RSA)

Day 4,368, 12:01 Published in Switzerland Ireland by Cat Sith

Good afternoon afternoon all you wonderful people here across this great nation! You’re listening to AM Voëlvry, RSA. Bringing you the news, sports, weather and conflict updates. “Some minor scuffles in Cape Town, Johannesburg and Pretoria today. Three Crane Security Regulars were injured. On to weather, a scorching 53 degrees out there, just shy of last years record of 54.5. So remember to keep the pets in and stay hydrated. In local sports Pirates 1 Chiefs 2, what a match! Both teams lost two players each to heat stroke but the real drama was the late penalty given at the 87’ minute which was saved, giving the Chiefs another 3 point gap in the league. And finally the conflict in Europe is set to stabilize? We’ll have more on those developments later. It's 00:00 eRT and this evening we have a very exclusive, one on one with our lead Reporter Barry Stewart! This is your favorite host, coast to coast Shakin’ Shaka Jones! Tonight/evening/afternoon, wherever you are out there we have "In The Hot Seat!" at 00:00 eRT. But first up we’ve a new jam by Bunker Blast Blitz with their new hit song, “When will it end?” This is Shakin’ Shaka Jones with you on AM Voëlvry!


Hello, I am your host Barry Stewart coming to you live on AM Voëlvry RSA deep in the Cape Winelands, and do I have some very special guests for you today! Let me welcome… "cough" Oh sorry, we’re not ready… I mean, coming up we’ll be in the Hot Seat with two of South Africa's finest entrepreneurs. Don’t touch that dial Freedom lovers we have some brand new music by the Freeborn Sisters, with their latest hit "Love Amongst the Cosmos". Stay tuned.

*Music starts and a clicking sound is heard.*

Barry: Simon what is the meaning of this! These are not the guests I have prepared for! What happened to the Freeborn Sisters?

Music playing.

Barry: What do you mean orders! I have heard nothing about any orders! And don't you take that tone of voice with me!

More music

Barry: You know damn well those were on orders and you can't bribe me with wine!

More music

Barry: Fine but I'm not happy about this! I am going to have a word with management! Let’s cut to...

Does your Comm System die on you when you need it most? Does it have a low range of signal? Have you found yourself in a situation when your ancient Comm box breaks down just as a roving gang of guerilla terrorists invade your neighbourhood? Where you and your family lay your sweet heads!?? If your answer is yes to any or all of these questions, then Crane Biotechs AP10S is the device for you. Guaranteed long battery life, with a built in long range transmitter to reach anywhere within a five mile radius and even beyond, if the wind is right. All that and money back! Each of our fine Crane strength AP10S systems come with a feature where you can receive help anytime, anywhere, simply at the push of a button! Order now and get wireless headphones that fit discreetly in your ear, absolutely free when you buy three systems! Contact your nearest Crane electronics store now, and dump that old tech of yesteryear! Buy now while stocks last!

Do you buy wine and get home and it tastes like vinegar? “Gross! This tastes like our a Van Staden competitor wine. I think we should see other people!” Are you tired of poor quality wine at special occasions? “A non Van Staden, on our wedding day? How will we consummate our marriage?” Stadens Rus Winery guarantees you and your guests will enjoy our wine or your money back! “Man, that cures the shakes! After those two failed relationships I finally see the light!” Our wine takes time, and care and time. We have perfected our wines over generations of van Stadens. Try our new Roset, “The Flowering Rose”. “Wow, honey, you do truly love me!” If you are not satisfied with the quality of our van Staden family blend, we will personally visit you with a refund and gift, courtesy of Crane Security. So come on down to the vineyard, *Van Staden property is private property. Trespassers will be eliminated* and pick up a bottle or two. Your future may count on it. So visit your nearest bottle store now! Van Stadens Rus Wines, your pleasure is our guarantee!*
*Your pleasure not a guarantee. Van Stadens Ethanol Manufacturers are a division of XXXX*

Barry: Ahem welcome back folks! I have some very special guests today! The CEO of Crane Biotechs Robert "Bobby" Steyn Jr. and the Manager of Operations for Crane Biotechs his sister Mrs Zelda van Staden. Welcome to my show Bobby I can call you Bobby right? And Zelda.

Bobby: Sure thing Barry thank you for having us. I love your show!

Zelda: What is this I only agreed to come if it was just me being interviewed and you invited him!

Bobby: Now Griselda there's no need to be like that..

Sound of a fist being banged on the table.

Zelda: It's Zelda Robert! ZELDA! This is exactly why I don't do interviews with…

Barry *in a shaky voice*: Please! Calm down, ja? I'm sure you can be civil with each other for twenty minutes. What’s that Simon? I’m sorry sir… Right away.

Silence for a few minutes.

Barry: Sooo Bobby why don't you tell us about your latest, Ho! I mean Crane Tech’s latest Comms device?

Bobby: Well Barry, our new AP10S has some really exciting features developed by a new genius tech gal we flew in from France, Juliette Dubois. She has improved our tech immensely. Longer battery life, longer range…

Zelda: It's superior to the Comms unit produced by Blu Industries who's tech is being used by Rasa Blank terror gang squads, even here in the Cape Winelands.

Bobby: That’s right Bar-Bar, we have not only improved on the battery life and range of our new AP10S units, but also have a feature where by the press of a button you can receive help from trained professionals anytime, anywhere.

Barry: There are rumors that the information citizens give to your company when purchasing is used to track down people thought to be, how shall I put it... undesirable. Is this true?

Bobby: Whoa, whoa, whoa now!? That is for the court to decide and Chief Justice XXXX. He’s got a ferocious drive, you should see him out their on the golf course, you’d swear he was twenty years younger. Barry, this is simply not true, why would I lie to you Bar-Bar? The government does have access to our database to provide the service our buyers require, but all the info is kept in a secure database.

Zelda: My *sigh* brother is correct. The feature is only activated upon request and for a small monthly fee. Without it activated the unit can't be tracked.

Bobby: Our sales people may occasionally activate it by accident but..

Sound of a loud slap

Zelda: BOBBY!

Sound of a door opening and two gunshots.

Zelda: Was that really necessary Simon?

Simon: Totally necessary don't pretend you're upset about Bobby...

Zelda: Such a waste of a decent host. *sigh*




Thank you for reading! This is the last season,
Thanks to everyone who has followed our tale this far.
We have a M.U called Rasa Blank if you fancy joining?

Here's a link : Rasa Blank Military Unit

Also join us on our Discord for competitions, prizes and banter!
The link is down below.

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The Whole Series: Seasons 1 - 4