Good morning and welcome to this morning’s news.
Before I begin, I have a few announcements.
First, please turn off all cell phones.
Photography is forbidden.
If you want to eat some candy, I urge you to unwrap it now. And those of you who are on intravenous feeding, please adjust the taps before my news begins.
You may notice the odor of gas. The fire department was in your apartment/house earlier and, although unable to locate the source of the leak, they assure me there is no danger of asphyxiation or explosion and that my news can go on as scheduled.
Now let me make clear that I am nothing more than a persona. I’m not really “The Modern Drunkard.”
My life doesn’t even remotely resemble The Modern Drunkards. Yet, what I’m saying now, the assertion that I’m not The Modern Drunkard has been written for me by The Modern Drunkard.
So please understand that whatever I write during this morning’s news has nothing to do with me personally, as much as I may wish to express something else, as much as I might detest the persona I’ve been shackled with, and would like to reveal to you the truth of my life, I am bound by the constraints of my dilemma.
Which means that whatever words I just uttered, including the words I am writing right now, are not really my own but those of The Modern Drunkard.
But they are.
Jenkins67 aka The Modern Drunkard