Dear Croatia (A Reasonable Letter)
Derphoof
GET BENT.
Seriously, you think you have a chance?!
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I get it. Simply attempting to conquer America in a small-time browser game will probably be a great national achievement irl. You might get a shoutout from whatever kind of leader your nation has.
I mean, y’all are about to burn some major cash, EB’s, etc. in an attempt to turn a piece of a virtual map from purple to periwinkle. It is truly a defining achievement.
Yes, I know it's humorous to win against the most powerful country in real life, in a browser game coded by a few guys who attached real life names to clans, to create a nationalist fervor that gets you to easily throw money at them.
But even so…
You won’t be able to win the war.
And that’s the most amusing thing about this.
I mean, this is Croatia we’re talking about. What do most people know about Croatia. Last time they were of importance was in the 90s, and that was simply because the breakup of Yugoslavia was a regional crisis. Before that? Umm… never.
After that? Never.
Seriously, when he gave “Yugoslavia” as a quiz answer, I had to tell a 12 year old last week that Yugoslavia hadn’t been a country since 1992. A child that was born in 2006 had no idea Croatia even existed.
So, here’s my conclusion. Croatia is basically the Wyoming of Europe. Never heard of Wyoming? That’s okay. Americans often forget Wyoming actually exists, and gets equal representation in Congress. It’s like the Rhode Island of the West. It’s there, and people live there, but most people just fly over it without thinking.
Really any other country in Europe not named France, Germany, Italy and... idk maybe Poland can probably identify with that. And Poland is an up-and-comer. They’re like the Austin, TX of Europe…. But far more conservative.
Anywho, Croatia has no culture or political importance to care about. Much like Wyoming. It’s just got some nice natural sights to see, but that’s about it. I’d be more interested in the Serbian communities of Croatia than actual Croatians.
On the other hand, people can actually name bunches of American figures.
America matters, and Croatia is an afterthought. And that’s why this matters to them.
Here’s what I know about Croatians in-game though:
1.) They’ll undermine anyone they’re affiliated with and/or infiltrate them, so long as it benefits them in some way.
2.) They don’t worship Dio. They probably worship Colin’s wallet.
3.) They’re 99.9% of the reason people never liked Syndicate.
4.) They actually like Turkey. *vomits*
Now, to the American wussies who cry at the impending invasion, here are 13 Reasons Why the airstrike was righteous and goo
😛
1.) F*** Croatia
2.) F*** Croatia
3.) F*** Croatia
4.) F*** Croatia
5.) F*** Croatia
6.) F*** Croatia
7.) F*** Croatia
8.) F*** Croatia
9.) F*** Croatia
10.) F*** Croatia
11.) F*** Croatia
12.) F*** Croatia
13.) F*** Croatia
Thank you for your time.
Comments
All your base are belong to us. You have no chance to survive make your time.
One wor😛
PATHETIC!
Hé write 13 times: Free Croatia! Nice article!
if mediocrity was to be awarded then you are its master.
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WTH
https://youtu.be/xpGm0zbXoag
weeb.
Weeb more, rl less.
you're posting 2d traps, how much more of a weeb can you possibly become
Lmao, the Poland Austin Tx comparison was elite.
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I just imagined what you can write about RL Russia, lol 😃
There's war propaganda and there's pathetic trolling.
This is not a war propaganda and it doesn't suit an ex-CP, no matter how silent and he was.
This is literally the most Derphoof article I've ever read. I didn't find it at all out of character for him.
It actually 'exceeds expectations'....
reminiscent of Emerick at his best.
Do we have different memories of Emerick? If this is akin to Emerick at his best, I dont want to play anymore.
You never saw Emerick at his best
Fair enough. I caught a good piece of it though. Best propagandist the game has ever seen.
Really thus is what you have to say?. Find some decency and sanity somewhere.
It is regrettable that people like you exist but, I suppose, what should I expect when one of you is in the RL WH.
i have written and said a lot of nasty $it over the years, but this article took me by surprise
USA was always on top 3 damage for Turkey when Colin was puttin CO, so you should remove points 2 and 4.
So USA is the innocent and the victim ?So now u decided to play the card ''evil Croatian'' to touch our feelings?
Lolllll 😃
>innocent
>victim
Boi, how the hell are we innocent or the victim? We're the aggressor.
DERPHOOF STRONK!
oOoO wow, ya sure showed me lmao
No, you showed us!
Croats just landed.I don’t see any aggressor here just a scare puppy 🐶
Croatia has important military leaders in eUSA joint forces. In 2009-2012 Croatia was a strong nation. In a game you bet, then win or lose. The important is not how much you invest but the fun of it while playing.
I appreciate that effort and the daring attitude. Let's have fun together.
Ahhhhhhhhhh!
I like the sound of false victimization in the morning 🙂
#neverforget95-0
Support you toughts, but you don't have enough historical knowledge.
If the game hasn't been closed in 6 months time and someone is reading this:
Congratulations on clicking on a link someone posted after the USA applied to join《insert alliance name》where inevitably, either Croatia or some pro-Croatian country is a member. Feel free to like this comment so if I've not killed myself from boredom I can chuckle to myself, full in the knowledge my premonition came true.
Do you know something we don't, Colin? :3
A real classy article....
If you really think that, then I am sorry for you. Hmm let me see, "most powerful country" NO! It was, beating your chest and saying we are the best doesn't make you the best you know 😉 Based on my personal experience, the majority of people who had never had a chance to study in one of your famous univerty or college or what ever, they are extremely under educated, especially in world geography and history! The only thing they keep saying is that they are the greatest and they have such an amazing history, which is hilarious as we all know that pouring have around 350 years of history. Sorry to all of my American friends, you know I love you!
Hello uncle Trump o/
inb4fp
https://www.erepublik.com/en/article/dear-derphoof-2663283/1/20
"...Seriously, when he gave “Yugoslavia” as a quiz answer, I had to tell a 12 year old last week that Yugoslavia hadn’t been a country since 1992. A child that was born in 2006 had no idea Croatia even existed. .."
That might be due to the level of education?
derpay is a white trash living in a trailer, no wonder he is clueless
Dork lol
psst 😃
This small Croatian stone is almost 1000 years older than the USA.
https://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/hr/6/69/Višeslavova_krstionica2.jpg
https://prnt.sc/i9i2up
When Romper & co. eliberate Heilongjiang from Hungary, you don't know yet where and for what is training grounds...
Training grounds are for the weak.
Just keep writing stuff like this, you are helping Croatia!
The only thing I see from this article is this:
1. You education system sucks big time
2. You are a failure of a teacher (parent?) if your 12 year old doesn't know more than 4 european countries.
2. Problem is that more than 60% of their adult population doesn't have a clue about countries in Europe, Africa or Asia. In RL... 🙁
When they 22-32-42 exact same brain capaciti, not fit more than four european country.
I will say just one...USA is country where the president is Donald Trump
God has truly blessed us