I am back from long hiatus for maybe three or four days, or however long it will take me to tire of you. I've seen much on my journey of the real world, I've masturbated along the U.S. East Coast from New Jersey to Florida, and then back up I might add. I have seen that many of you lack the leadership necessary to live your pathetic puny lives without the meaningful presence of the Grand Duke of HokkaDIO. However, as there is no one left to oppose me I will be ascending to the position of Emperor. Personally I don't think you deserve me, but I am a humble demi-god. It is my hope to enter each and everyone of your bodies by penetrating you with a metaphorical phallus like object over and over filling you with warm white hot love that just oozes out.
Today we enter into a new era of the reign of Alfred I the Philosophical, Emperor of Japan and all that good stuff. My first order of business is to depose the diet, you're all fired. Pack your shit and go home. I will be instituting some basic reforms, all weddings must be approved by me, and I reserve the right to deflower both the groom and the bride. We will be ceasing this nonsense against the most holy of freedom loving nation on this planet, also known as the United States of Awesome, even better known as the United States of America, but best known as Big Brother Murica'. As part of this ceasing of nonsense we will be giving our territories to them to have autonomy where I will rule with a velvet fist of greatness to blanket over your cold bodies to keep you warm.
Just wait Japan, greatness is coming under my reign. Also, Formosa is still Japanese.
Alfred Ball, Kaiser of Japan.
PS: Marie von Gablitz is the Empress of Japan, Fuhreress, and Kaiseriss, and probably the Tsarina too.