eAMERICA....SPQR....LETS JUST HAVE SOME FUN ALREADY

Day 1,875, 15:09 • Published in USA USA • by Marcus Patterson

Dear Readers,

I don't write many articles. In fact, I haven't wrote an article since my grandaddy was killing some Vietcong with some good ole' mustard gas. Ah...those were the times. But since I just got robbed of a Battle Hero Medal...I'm pretty annoyed right now, and I feel like doing some writing.

Intro

Now, it has come to my attention that this game is inherently, wholesomely, and ever so much pathetic. The module for this game is improving as the Admins are trying to make this game more interesting. but it is still pretty boring right now. In fact, Alexis Bonte, founder of eRepublik has said that most of the fun in this game comes from the forums which players converse with each other on and discuss strategy. PHEWTOOOTYYYY!!!!! Yeah...Phewtooty...meaning...."F THAT!". Let's make this game fun. Let's start conquering some nations that have about 30 active players, which is almost every small nation in this game, let's be honest. Let's conquer North Korea using some nuclear rockets....give them a taste of Irony...AMERICAN IRONY!

To solve this...some of the "elitists" as our favorite homophobic, conservative, bigot RGR likes to say, have come up with a solution. They have decided, in agreeance with my philosophy in regards to this game, to conquer other nations under a new banner: SPQR.


What Exactly is SPQR?

I have no idea what these folks involved with SPQR are trying to accomplish in eRepublik. However, I am a man of history and I have studied Roman Late Antiquity for a few years now. It's boring as hell, but there is something to take away from it. SPQR stands for "Senātus Populusque Rōmānus", meaning The Senate and People of Rome in case you were wondering. You see that Eagle right up there....how beautiful does she look? Doesn't that make you want to take up arms, join the Roman Republic, and start fighting....But this is AMERICA! We aren't ROME! We never had slaves in this country!!!! We never built massive monuments to commemorate our late leaders of our empire!!!! We never set off on imperialistic quests to conquer places of strategical importance like the Philippines or Cuba!!!!

Conclusion

Ok...so we are exactly like Ancient Rome. So what....why should we stop now? Why limit ourselves to neutrality in this game? We don't have to be like the real life America, but we sure as hell don't want to be like the RL Australia....although that would be nice....Kangaroos are pretty awesome. Now, to be precise, the Roman Republic died out when Caesar named his son Augustus his heir and it became an authoritarian empire. I am not in favor of a dictator...as RGR would like to be. But this empire lived on for over 1500 years, until around 1453, in which the empire was weakened from numerous attacks from Germanic tribes from the north, bureaucracy, inflation, in-fighting in the government ans so on....but they had a good run.


My point being...I'm smart...I wanted you to know that. No, my point is that to make this game fun...we need to go to war and we need to conquer. We need to start again with a quest for world domination. We may need allies to help us in this quest, including our friends from the north, eCanada...America's hat. But win or lose...this game will be exciting again, it will be invigorating, it will make people actually want to log on and stay on the actual website instead of logging off immediately or just going on IRC. IRC and the forums are great, but imagine if we could stop "trolling" each other and actually talk about how we just annihilated some eSouth-Africans or just butchered some stupid tea-loving, pub crawling, buck-toothed, Brits. It would just be so much more pleasant...a lot less...violent...on the forums. And everybody would be happy.

Sincerely,
Marcus Patterson