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You are reading an article written by a citizen of eRepublik, an immersive multiplayer strategy game based on real life countries. Create your own character and help your country achieve its glory while establishing yourself as a war hero, renowned publisher or finance guru.

President Israel Stevens: A week in review.

Day 1,757, 13:53 • Published in USA USA

• by Candor

After five days in office, a quite serious look into the accomplishments of the Israel Stevens Administration is long overdue.

On the economy: F

No need to elaborate. We’re dying on a vine here. We would turn the lights off and go home, but our homes have long since been burned in campfires to warm our families and cook our boot soup.

On Education: B+

I have a Masters in Majorbullshitery, and I can honestly say with conviction that eAmericans are the most highly educated people in the pretend world. As evidence, most of the world only wishes they could speak our language.

Other Domestic Issues: A-

Well, President Stevens gets high marks for ending the long standing “Don’t ask, don’t tell” in our military and militias. We now have openly gay fellows serving proudly in skirts next to our manliest of heterosexual men. Some are playing openly naked in the comfort of their own homes and no one even cares. Dissenters are being shot, as well as occasionally molested, and he has yet to get a solid handle on this, hence the less than perfect score.

Foreign Policy: C

We’re not absolutely certain who we like any more. We know we like a few nations, primarily the hotter and sandier climates, but those nations with a lot of snow are having problems getting their calls returned. We like French toast, French fries and French Kissing but we wish the French themselves might go back to France, thank you very much.

Communications: A+

Our President receives high marks for honesty, confessing to being mostly trashed the first few days in office. This author finds that kind of honesty refreshing, and so I will confess that I was also trashed most of the Presidents first few days in office. Quite honestly, most eAmericans were, and we no longer feel ashamed to admit it.

In short, we have a mixed picture, not as Triumphant yet as the Admins successes with their various revamping of this media module, but still much better than many eAmericans give Stevens credit for. A pithy summary comes from our own Gaylord Q Twinkledink: “We are free to be sloshed and wear skirts”, and that’s nice. That’s not a bad re-election bumper sticker.