THE FIRST SERMON!
Temple of Kiwism
By the name of the Golden Kiwi:
Thus are my words, and they are the ceremonies of thou and of the Kiwi religion upon the E. This shall you live and shall remember, for they are holy in every Friday, as named Rāmere. All Kiwists shall do these ceremonies, and shall be declared as holy, each friday on.
Welcome to the first sermon of the Kiwism religion!
From now, in every friday (for the Maori - Rāmere), all kiwists must follow these ceremonies that will be below. Every sermon a special practice needs to be done, called "Birth of the Kiwi". It's representing the birth of the Holy Golden Kiwi in two parts. The first is with all the Kiwist community, the second is done individually.
These are the steps of the "Birth of the Kiwi":
- Eat a sheep meat, to represent the start of the Universe.
- Bless on the sheep (Will be shown below)
- Drink the Beer - Here ends the community part
- Go to the alter
- Say a blessing (Also will be shown below)
Sheep Meat
On the friday the sheep meat representing the start of the eUniverse. When the meat is bitten, it's like the wool twitched for the first time. Every bite you take, you represent a new step in the beginning of the world. No matter how many bites you take, you must bless at the end, that representing the final twitch, the creation of the Golden Kiwi.
Bless
In the last bite on the sheep meat, you must bless this:
Whakapai Tapu Koura Kiwi notemea hanga mea katoa a ao nui mārama a tangata
Which means:
Bless the Holy Golden Kiwi because he created all and the universe and Humans.
The blessing is like the blessing of the Golden Kiwi upon the first man, Jacob of New Zealand. When Jacob was created, the Golden Kiwi set life in him by his Golden Glory (which means by a stone of Gold). That connects to the next step.
The Beer
The beer represents the Gold. It is the most holy artifact (after the Holy Wool) to the Kiwism Religion. Kiwists must drink it on friday to represent the golden glory of the Golden Kiwi, embrasing them, from the inside and from the outside. Some say the the original beer was created to worship the Golden Kiwi, but it's not confirmed.
The Alter and the final blessing
After you drink the beer, the Kiwist must go to the Alter of the temple, sit on his bum (Indian Style - to represent Michael in Hindu), and pray on the alter this:
Whakahirahira Tapu Koura Kiwi, whakapai ōku kāinga tipu, ōku whānau ōku kāinga.
Which means:
O great Holy Golden Kiwi, bless my Homeland, my family, and my home.
This is a prayer the concerns only the praying man.
Thats it dear Kiwists! See you next sermon!
May the Golden Kiwi be with you!
Comments
multiserbxxx
shall we start about Holy Blaženi Gutman again?
wow potato!
wow kiwi!
nice ^__^
Hey watch out, some people may take this religion seriously, ya know, like the pastafarism, lawlalwlawllaw.
Btw:
Rämere = Ramera (Spanish) = Hooker, cool kiwists have a hooker day.
@Mizu
lol I didn't knew that...
cool
This IS serious..in eLife ; )
@radu: sadly kiwism is only sect, like Jehova's witnesses are, they come knocking and annoying every once in a while : D
@System Shutdown
You are saying harassy. Please say something good about Kiwism, or don't say at all