Join the new world

Scandal plagues the Austrian media as it has been discovered that many citizens have war stashes hidden around the country. While you would think that having a multitude of deadly weapons stashed away would be a sinister thing it gets worse! These sadistic deviants hid these very stashes inside of their rectums. This is something that is usually done in American prisons as a means to hide contraband while at the same time acting as a barrier against anal rape. But it seems to have become a learned behavior practiced by domestic terrorists in Austria ever since spending time in Guantanamo and watching too many prison movies. While most of the time this is completely unnecessary and clearly just a new innovative way to pleasure the prostate, it has led to these stashes being undetected. At least when the person checking is a blind person that can't see the megaton bomb sticking out of their asshole.

As domestic terrorists are commonly sissies this has led to many incidents where the war stashes go off accidentally when their bowels release from sheer fright. Several Austrian soldiers have been wounded by this alongside 3000 Kuruc terrorists. After extensive medical research it has been discovered that the Kuruc rectum is capable of stretching to enormous lengths similar to that of a green anaconda. As a result of this daring explorers have already planned to make a sequel to Eaten Alive but instead of an anaconda he'd be completely swallowed by one of these colossus sphincters. While the documentary crews have promised that this won't hurt the Kurucs(in fact it'd be sexually stimulating) the Austrian government has declared in unison that it is more than happy to allow film crews to exploit Kuruc anuses so long as it fills the treasury with "brown money".