[WHPR] The Darker The Weather, The Better The Man

Day 5,535, 06:04 • Published in USA USA • by James S. Brady Press Room


When you take a look at all the things the eUSA has accomplished as of late, the list is grand. Almost makes your pants wet. Almost. We are adults, so please use a sock like the rest of us. We are in the reign of Sir Patanok, the greatest president of 2023 so far. A man I can look up to and say, yes - that is a president.

Now that I've been let out of the dark, cold basement for a few hours, I wanted to talk about a few things.



Sir Mr Lord President Patanok the great has a wonderful cabinet, freshly painted and cleaned of cobwebs. Just the kind of servicing we like on our fine wood, which is as follows:

VICE PRESIDENT OF THE GREAT NATION: Monsieur Manchukuo
CoS: The beautiful and always pleasant Melissa Rose
MoFA: The Voots
Mo😨 Keeping us safe, the one and only Shefetzu
MoE: Pants -> Tent The DUUUUUUUUUUUUUUDE
Media: Oh lord, he coming - KingTaco (sorry yall)

The absolute UNIT that is Patanok welcomes you and will not let you down. Unless you ask for KingTaco's tacos. He was informed that anyone that touches those may lose a finger, which would qualify as letting you down.



BRAEKING NEWS!! READ ALL ABOUT IT!

Man, currently unidentified due to being redacted by an unknown government entity, accidentally SUES HIMSELF, Winning in a landslide vote by his peers $12,000,000 to be paid in a lump sum to himself by August 16th, 2023 or he will face life in prison for grand theft in the 3rd degree out of a possible 7 years of prison. None of this makes any sense, why are we even writing about it? Is it to fill space so I get that bonus I was promised? No, that would be wrong. Of course, it isn't. This is real news! REAL I TELL YOU!





The eUSA is absolutely KILLING it in TWs, having the most in the ENTIRE WORLD. THE WHOLE BIG O'L BLUE MARBLE - and due to the amazing abilities that our President of the United States holds, all of them are running smoothly, and are successful! A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. I couldn't be more proud of our great nation, keeping the world in balance. Next we need to grow bigger. Invite your friends and keep your account alive - seriously. Or else.




ASTERIA CONQUERS CHINA

After many bloody battles, Asteria conquered China this month, according to what I was told, I only work in media, it's not like I am expected to vet this information. Nevertheless, it is very cool.

Asteria, fierce and brave,
With armies at her command,
Conquered China, a land so vast,
With a powerful, iron hand.

Her legions marched across the land,
Their banners held high,
Their swords and shields at the ready,
For a fierce and bloody fight.

But Asteria, wise and just,
Did not seek to destroy,
But to bring order to the land,
And to the people, joy.

She built great cities, strong and grand,
And roads that spanned the land,
She brought prosperity and peace,
To all within her hand.

The people of China, once so poor,
Now lived in wealth and ease,
And they praised Asteria,
For her wisdom, strength, and grace.

And so, in time, Asteria's name
Became a legend in the land,
And all who heard it knew,
That she was a conqueror and a friend.



Let's keep this great nation alive. I trust in you to do the following EASY 3 steps:

1. Keep-alive
2. Invite your friends
3. Follow your Government officials' orders and fight for our country!

It's really that easy. I mean it - even I could do it and I am a moron.

That's all I've got for you now, time to copy and paste the work of the previous media slaves employees








Much love,
KT
Media

Something for you to listen to as we end our fun here for now.