[MoED] What is the eUK?

Day 3,382, 03:47 • Published in United Kingdom United Kingdom • by Department for Education


Two MoED articles in as many days?! What the screaming bejasus is going on?!

You may have thought that yesterday’s MoED article was all you’d get from this department this month. And, at the point it was published, you were right. However, a member of my party reminded me of a question he asked several days ago that I had forgotten about asked me a question about the eUK which, frankly, is too big for me to answer on my own.


A nice easy one to start us off then


Essentially I’ve been asked to sum up the eUK, both domestically and internationally. Riiiiiiight.

I’m more than happy to have a stab at this myself, and - in fact - am about to do so once I’ve finished this paragraph. However, it occurs to me that there are many many people who can provide a better answer than I can. Also, the answer to this request is fundamentally subjective - everybody will have their own individual view on it. Luckily my view will be correct and everyone else’s will be wrong, but it’d be good to see some of them anyway.

So, I hope and expect that my short, largely inaccurate and deliberately provocative take on this will generate comments from oldfags others. Correct my mistakes! Accuse me of bias! Fill in the gaps! Let’s use this opportunity to provide a wildly distorted view of our beloved dystopian homeland.





Politics
Several months ago the eUK chose - through a referendum - to close down our constitutional dictatorship and return to a standard democracy. In doing so we also removed all our meta legislation - of which there was lots - preferring to stick more rigidly to game mechanics.

The result is that our politics revolves around parties, which feed into a government made up of Congress, the CP and his/her cabinet.

The eUK’s parties have remained pretty stable for a long time. They are dominated by a handful of parties that, in most cases, have been around for a very long time.

UKRP
Currently the UK’s biggest party, and populated by many old and venerable pillars of the UK community. Inevitably UKRP supply large chunks of the executive.

Think of UKRP as a traditional, sedate, oak-panelled gentleman’s club, filled with old leather armchairs and a bunch of fusty old men sipping expensive whisky.

TUP
TUP used to be the UK’s dominant party, and for a very long time they were pretty much the perma-government. However, a couple of years ago people got fed up with them running the show, and - after a series of PTOs and other dramas - they slid into decline. They have a reputation for being serious, business-like, but a little on the dull side.

Think of TUP as Alan Sugar’s boardroom in The Apprentice.

UKPP
UKPP were big, then got small (to the extent that they dropped out of the top five), and have recently got big again. Mostly off the back of being a bit mental. They have a number of key players, but they’re often hamstrung by King Willy (Ajay) - their resident lunatic who regularly tries to PTO them from within.

Think of UKPP as a rowdy school playground.

British Patriots
A strange one this. Formed off the back of a semi-successful foreign PTO a couple of years ago, they have essentially become Dapper’s personal army (even though he’s now buggered off to Canada). They keep themselves to themselves and tend not to get involved.

Think of BP as some sort of hive mind - the Borg perhaps?

ESO (conflict of interest detected and declared)
ESO are love. ESO are life 😉

ESO are an old party who have seen dramatic shifts in their fortunes. Back before my time they were strong and significant, before slipping into almost complete obscurity and then returning from the brink and back into the top five. ESO are independent, and do things differently to the other parties. They concentrate on enjoying the game while supporting young players, and they consistently punch above their weight.

Think of ESO as the best club you’ve ever been to 😉

WRP
An old, traditional party that’s been around forever. Although outside of the top five now, WRP have played a significant part in the eUK’s political scene.

Think of WRP as the local bowls club.

PCP
PCP are a bunch of screaming Trots that - like WRP - have been around for a very long time and played an important role in UK politics, before falling on hard times more recently.

Think of PCP as a Trade Union convention, with a mix of old, battle-hardened Trots with a few young and eager recruits.

The Real Spamicans
An enigma. Only the initiated have any idea what TRS are all about. I’m not one of the initiated.

Think of them as The Panacea Society.


Bar: any party with fewer than five members





The eUK’s place in the world
Frankly, I’m not the best person to ask about foreign affairs as it’s not something I get too involved in. Others will be better at this bit.

In short, many years ago the eUK used to have powerful friends and sit within some powerful alliances. Frankly, we used to punch above our weight on an international scale. However, as a result of several shifts in world affairs, along with internal changes and power struggles, we changed direction.

Since then, we’ve bounced around between a few alliances, and recently spent a long time without any alliance at all. However, now we’re a member of Orion, and things are looking pretty good.

Frankly, when it comes to fighting, we’re generally not very good at coordinating our damage and fighting on a unified front. As a result, we tend to rely heavily on our allies. Having said that, when the sh*t really hits the fan we have plenty of military power, and on the rare occasions that we get it all working in the same direction at the same time, we can be a force to be reckoned with.





Summary
Like any country, the UK has strengths and weaknesses. Traditionally our strength has been our community. We’re good at articles and the media, we’re good at lulz and enjoying the game, and we’re good at arguing, bickering, arsing about and then - when we need to - pulling together.

However, because we’re quite factional, we’re not so good at running an orderly, well organised military. We’re not very good at running things in an efficient, serious, organised way. We’re definitely not very good at stopping rogue CPs from nicking the Treasury, even though we all know it’s about to happen.

Personally I prefer our chaotic, fractured, lolzy way of doing things. I’m sure some others disagree.



Anyway, that should just about cover it. There’s plenty in there for me to be crucified over for people to get their teeth into. Hopefully the comments section will correct, expand upon and fill the gaps in the information in this article.

Cheers

Minister of Edu-ma-cation