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[King] Royal Decrees~

Day 1,623, 00:32 Published in United Kingdom United Kingdom by Mr Woldy

Subjects of the eUnited Kingdom,

We have just come out of a confusing and terrible time, in which the King was kidnapped, proclaimed dead, escaped, trained a group of brigands, overthrew a pretender, massacred a ruling class, and then massacred another ruling class, attempted to usurp the Swedish throne and, finally was restored to the throne.

I of course speak of the terrible plight of the great King Woldy. This, is his story.

Born the b*stard son of King Kumnaa, social commentators of the time often commented on not only his copious facial hair, but of King Woldy’s apparent masculine guile and consequent greatness.

A young, hairy Woldy

Entered in Eton, he began a truly impressive academic caree-

Upon graduating simultaneously from Oxford and Harvard and learning to tame his facial hair, he began a career in the armed forces. It was there he he created his lasting friendship with fellow-spud peeler Jimbojoy, with whom he adopted some fighting techniques that would prove to be vital in later life.

The young prince in his Army regalia

After single handedly winning several wars, invading several countries, and acquiring like, half of the eUSA, King Woldy turned his hand to travelling the world.

Woldy with his brother Gonzo

Woldy and Ringo, c. 1979

By doing so he met some pretty cool guys, in Arkansas he rendezvoused with Gonzo the thing, and in Liverpool he met a certain Starr. (see above) It was the latter who first tempted King Woldy into trying some pretty whacky stuff.

After spending 3 months clean, King Woldy was discharged from rehab and reentered the political scene, only to find his Kingdom amidst a terrible civil war, apparently started by his wife. When asked, he makes no recollection of her, possibly due to constant meth addiction.

What was once Red vs Blue, for someunexplainedreason didn’t work, and so Woldy and his chums formed a Rebel alliance of the kind you see in Star Wars, but with cooler spaceships.

King Woldy trains local fatman, Karacticus

After days of training and a short holiday, King Woldy had raised an army, last week, they reconquered like the whole country and stuff and now King Woldy is King again, despite actually never having been not King before or something.

It is in light of these events, that King Woldy issued the following decrees:

The Decrees

Decree 1: His Majesty would be grateful if people weren’t to mess about with the Monarchy again, and now holds the exclusive right to do so, As Monarch, as outlined in legisgaytion.

Decree 2: His majesty would be grateful if the satellite and colony states occupying the eUK would return to him his regions, and not cockblock his attempts to into congress again. (His Majesty would like to point out that he is owed 5 gold compensation from the eUSA, which Artela has already agreed to pay)

Decree 3: In light of the ruling class being wiped out in what was made to look like an accidental crack den fire, His Majesty would like to inform the kingdom of the following appointments;

Sambo112 - Duke of Bradpitt
Betafoxtrot - Duke Beta of Foxtrot
GTorge - Duke of Wincest
Kcirp - Duke of Somerwhere
ApronChef - Duke & Duchess of The Moon. (Gender unknown)
Arthur Wellesley - Duke of Wellingtons
Sir Digby Chicken Caesar - Duke of Spamalot

Talon Karrde - Earl of Kardiac
Lily Jayne Summers - Earl of Stoke-on-bent
Karacticus - Earl of Llanbobl
Jimbojoy - Earl Mynameis
Count Drakula - Earl Drakula

Baron Keers
Baron Pesaran
Baron big Mack
Baron Kcirp
Baron Validation
Baron Mcafee

Decree 4: The members of UKPP are to unban His Majesty from their IRC channel so he has something to laugh at when he is feeling down.

In our next issue, see how you can join the Army!

Thanks for Reading,
HRH Woldy I,


To apply for the ‘Woldy’s Young Achievers’ Scheme, simply pop your name in this thread on our external forums:



BadMail Day 1,623, 00:34


Mr Woldy
Mr Woldy Day 1,623, 00:37

For 4 gold you can purchase the full autobiography in hard back!

McAfee01 Day 1,623, 00:40


Amun Nefer
Amun Nefer Day 1,623, 00:42


Invalidation Day 1,623, 00:42

I would like the full autobiography in hard back, gold sent.

Mr Woldy
Mr Woldy Day 1,623, 00:43

oh u can b baron 1 sec bro

Lionbeard Day 1,623, 00:49


Anaille Kolshire
Anaille Kolshire Day 1,623, 01:06

i would like to be installed as Exigent Earl of Cheddar, since i love cheddar and am very demanding...

Goran Thrax
Goran Thrax Day 1,623, 01:24

As the Divinely appointed Monarch of eCanada, may I please petition Your Majesty, to appoint me as your Governor General of eCanada, I'll even swagger a bit and wave a stick about.

(Such an appointment not to be confused with an ambassadorial commission)

Goran Thrax

George Barker
George Barker Day 1,623, 01:33

What's this? An article from Woldy that doesn't suck? Stopped clocks, blind pigs and acorns, I say.

kcirp Day 1,623, 02:12

2 Titles, cos thats just how I role


Niemand Day 1,623, 02:31

No rebellion any more? 😕

Snugz Day 1,623, 04:00


Sir Nick Griffin
Sir Nick Griffin Day 1,623, 04:55


Prof. J Moriarty
Prof. J Moriarty Day 1,623, 05:57

I want a title.

Plus, please remove Nick Griffin's knighthood.

holbs Day 1,623, 08:28

Classic army recruitment there 🙂

Sambo112 Day 1,623, 09:24

Decree 4: The members of UKPP are to unban His Majesty from their IRC channel so he has something to laugh at when he is feeling down.

NOT LAME NOW NICK!!!!! and ty King Woldy for the title

WayneKerr Day 1,623, 11:36

Seeing as your not a King and as such hold no powers to issue decrees the UKPP cannot comply with Decree 4.

Your more then welcome to grovel and beg to be allowed back into #UKPP though. We have no issue with that.

Topher Fair
Topher Fair Day 1,623, 12:23

What am I even reading?

Sambo112 Day 1,623, 13:37

@waynekerr erm...can you read? of course he's king

@Goku Jones its called fun...but then you wouldn't know what that is. would you?

WayneKerr Day 1,623, 15:12

@Sambo112 erm... so if I write your an idiot would that make that true also?

Angela Williams
Angela Williams Day 1,623, 16:10

I think I should be Earl of tea. Mainly as then I would be Earl of Earl Grey

Amun Nefer
Amun Nefer Day 1,623, 16:37

"What's this? An article from Woldy that doesn't suck? Stopped clocks, blind pigs and acorns, I say."

I was gonna call a noob, but then I saw who was contributing that comment. :3

Waruda Day 1,623, 18:49

Voted, even though that chain mail looks rather inauthentic. ^_~

Matt Hirst
Matt Hirst Day 1,623, 19:14

+1 WayneKerr. Roleplay makes my insides hurt.

Sir Mic
Sir Mic Day 1,624, 08:54

My titles seem to be missing, a Admin mistake I am sure.

Teppishc Day 1,624, 11:32

"+1 WayneKerr. Roleplay makes my insides hurt"

loving the irony of that being written by a player in a pretend online world = D

irishbhoy1967 Day 1,624, 13:09

Gratz Woldy.

Also nice successful troll on the UKPP der.

Matt Hirst
Matt Hirst Day 1,624, 19:01

Ahhh but Teppishc, I don't pretend it is anything more than a game. It's a strategy game, like chess. I don't pretend to be the king when i play chess, so I don't pretend to be a king when I play this game.

Grainne Ni Mhaille
Grainne Ni Mhaille Day 1,625, 06:54

You shoulda told me what was in those brownies.....

Snugz Day 1,631, 13:14

where is irishbhoy's plantation and title

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