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[GBM] Plato's attempts to Destroy Game Thwarted. Blames Stockholm Syndrome.

Day 2,188, 09:11 Published in USA USA by Paul Proteus
This article is a satire, which means if this article is taken down it's clearly censorship

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It's been a while guys. Consider this my official retirement from politics, and return to the Federalist Party and writing silly articles. 😁. Depending on who you are, sorry/you're welcome. Enjoy~

In any case, welcome to the return of Goodbye Blue Monday, reporting on all the nonsense that's fit to print 24/7/365. If it aint newsworthy, we print it. Wait, that's not right...

Plato's attempts to Destroy Game Thwarted. Blames Stockholm Syndrome.

Day 2128: eRepublik HQ, Erebus

Plato looks on at eRepublik with thinly veiled disgust

In a scandalous new interview regarding the most recent changes to eRepublik, famous dweller of bridges, philosopher, and abomination, Plato, revealed that people were never meant to "play eRepublik so long". Stating that, as a human being, he would never willingly cause people to endure this, and that the continued existence of 'players' both "defies logic" and "worries [him] greatly".

When asked about why he started the dwindling browser game, Plato responded sincerely. Chuckling, he told us he "never expected it to go this far" and that "really our end-game was to be able to pay for a foosball table, but after that. God, we never expected people would stick around".

He continued "if you think we actually believe the changes we make to this game are supposed to make it better...." (Plato shakes his head for a moment) "You must think I'm really stupid".

"No, you guys are supposed to quit, christ, this game is literally just a money dump."

"What even is this shit" -Plato

"The only reason why any of you are still here I can think of is Stockholm Syndrome, I mean come on guys".

This intrepid reporter will have to concur with the diagnosis.

Plato also reportedly felt good "getting this off his chest" stating, "if this makes me look like the bad guy, okay, but at least its the first step towards tens of players getting the help they need."

Next week on Goodbye Blue Monday:

In other news, Goodbye Blue Monday has taken massive cuts in their graphics department. Also in their humor department.

-Idiotic Reporter upset his article got taken down. Gains forfeit point for saying "censorship"

-eRep actually created to keep Ajay distracted, Judge convicts US ATO efforts in criminal case for "loosing him on the actual world".

-Revelation that 50% of Romanian GDP comes from American "goldbeast"

Your Moment of Zen:

From xkcd

That's it for today, not my best offering, but given the state of the Media Module it will have to do,

Stay Sexy~



Igoreckkkk Day 2,188, 09:15


DylanBAS Day 2,188, 09:17


DnPijote Day 2,188, 09:28

Stockholm syndrome, yeah that must be xD

Bucephalus92 Day 2,188, 09:29

Spot on analysis

Dio Hostilian
Dio Hostilian Day 2,188, 10:16

Marvel of investigative journalism. Great piece.

Gnilraps Day 2,188, 13:00


Cthulhu.. Day 2,188, 14:16


Aramec Day 2,188, 14:17

Nice new avatar.

DeathTurd Day 2,188, 16:07

got rid of scott pilgrim avatar, unfriended

Paul Proteus
Paul Proteus Day 2,188, 16:09


Hale26 Day 2,188, 17:24

Most excellent.

Stylemark Day 2,188, 18:16

I noticed that the taxation on conquered territories changed: Plato wouldn't happen to be Polish, would he?

LibertyorDeathUSA Day 2,188, 21:02

Please vote and sub my new newspaper!

N3mesis Day 2,189, 01:52

... deja-vu article..

You re-discovered America again.. like that comic guy who found squirrel in the tree.

..To make game better we need to replace all developers in that Plato company..


Derphoof Day 2,189, 07:29

I love you.

Paul Proteus
Paul Proteus Day 2,189, 07:38

< 3

Franklin Stone
Franklin Stone Day 2,189, 07:46

Love this, he spends an entire article telling Americans how stupid they are for continuing to play; yet I don't see him nor the other 'Pfeifferist' leaving. Might it be because they don't play eRepublik in game anymore, but instead play a 'meta game' on the eUSA Forums hich they control; I mean after all this is the citizen who broke immigration laws by allowing the traitor Henry Pfeiffer Arundel to regain American citizenship without an IES from even being submitted for approval...

Paul Proteus
Paul Proteus Day 2,189, 07:55

I never excluded myself from my attack. And ignoring the half truths of the rest of that statement, the fact that you deem it necessary to comment on a humor piece amuses me to no end.

Franklin Stone
Franklin Stone Day 2,189, 08:29

Half truths...hmmm. You granted him citizenship even though he openly admitted that he would never fill out the IES form, yes? Granted it even before receiving approval from IES or no?

Both offenses worthy of censure and yet you were cleared of any wrongdoing while a second citizen was censured for the same offense, yes?

Derphoof Day 2,189, 10:05

Paul actually did receive IES approval from Malarkey prior to the acceptance of Pfieffer's citizenship request. That is why the censure was dropped.

Tiamati Day 2,190, 01:57

No IES form? Did a dial up modem pull a fax machine and eat it?

Tiamati Day 2,190, 00:29

Voted for truth; we can only hope that from this time forward eAmericans will be measured for their own individual merits and not whom they happen to be friends with.

ProTip; Lunch-room politics in meta is one of the primary causes of rage quitting negatively impacting eUS retention.

Rican Day 2,189, 10:31

I love you too.

Dr. Strangeclock
Dr. Strangeclock Day 2,189, 12:39


Rico Mc.Rico
Rico Mc.Rico Day 2,189, 19:53


Artela Day 2,190, 02:00

Nice to see you back in media Paul - brilliant stuff, love it 🙂
The ATO piece had me giggling madly

Evil.Elvis Day 2,190, 05:01

For the record, it was the Feds he was apologizing to.

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