[GBM] Feds for Derphoof

Day 3,363, 09:40 Published in USA USA by Paul Proteus
Having an incurable wound, he delivered himself into the cave. Wanting, and being unable, to have an end, because he was immortal.



Americans, I have been wanting to write this article for a long time. Like a really long time. Like about 2 years a long time. So, it's safe to say I'm fairly excited, and honestly, you should be too.

American you may know that the Federalist Party has recently been deliberating over whom to support on the 5th. It was a contested race. There were several serious and qualified candidates. And we take our endorsement seriously, we believe in electing the best. So, as the Political Director of the Federalist Party, I am happy to announce that we have, in an overwhelming decision, chosen to do just that, and endorse the best candidate for these eUnited States.


...and the standards of my heart

The candidate we are endorsing has held a host of positions preparing him for this day. He's been to space, he's won a number of equestrian medals, and also he's been in several mahogany cabinets. Most of all, we believe this candidate has what it takes to not only lead the eUnited States, but to break her from her current path and deliver the kind of paradigmatic shift only a baton-toting horse-man can.

The Federalist Party has endorsed Derphoof for President of these eUnited States


this image is actually terrifying

Derphoof has been loyally playing for this country for years. In that time he has been a leader, a hard worker, an excellent propagandist, a cabinet staple (which sounds pretty gauche tbh) as well as a source of energy and inspiration. Additionally, Derphoof is one of the best of us, and a Derphoof presidency will be the stuff of dreams.

Along with the USWP and WTP, the Feds have placed their trust in Derphoof. We look forward to seeing the eMurrican people do the same. Dare to dream. Vote for a Derpier America~

This article will end with a short letter to our party's preferred Presidential nominee:

Dear Derphoof,

Don't fuck it up

-The Feds


Yours in elife and edeath,
Paul Proteus