Join the new world

It all returns to nothing, it all comes (Ah, ah, ah, ah)
Tumbling down, tumbling down, tumbling down

^{It's ok to vote without reading, I won't judge you. But will you be able to live with yourself??}

Good morning reader, welcome to another publication of Goodbye Blue Monday. As Henry Ford once said, you can have journalism in any color you like, so long as it's yellow.

Now I know you all subscribe to Goodbye Blue Monday for our high-octane reporting and surprisingly steamy The Office-Dune crossover fanfics, and, as recently has been the case, tumbleweeds. So with that being said, you may be excited to see a new Goodbye Blue Monday thrown into your lawn, as I assume is how news is delivered in the eUS. However, as the director of Federalist Political Department in perpetuity, this is nothing but a party piece.


^{This banner is cursed, so naturally I will never let it die}

First make sure to check out Tyler's update on No Feds Left Behind


Alright, now without further adieu, I present the highest quality Congress-drivel out there: the infinity+1 Goodbye Blue Monday Congress Edition.





Breaking News: Federalists Run For Congress. Vote for them or they have to keep running until they pass out


^{Sadly Goodbye Blue Monday has cut our budget for political cartoons, so for the foreseeable future we will be running re-runs}

Washington, Day 5544 – It is the 25th. I am sixteen years old. It is 1985. I am on mars. I am fifty-six years old. The photograph lies at my feet: it's time to vote for Congress elections again.

So while we enter into this ritual to vote for congress and go "eh, that'll do," this time I'd like to ask you to consider the strength of the Federalist caucus.

We have a mixture of old-as-dirt establishment figures as well as players newer to Congress, but everyone we run cares about Congress and will contribute. Our motto has always been restoring government integrity, and with your vote, we'd like to try to keep putting that into practice.

In other words, as Malarkey83 says: "please let me die".

Now fear not reader, we here at Goodbye Blue Monday have more than platitudes, we also have the Federalist roster for you to peruse. Don't take this lightly, many Bothans died to bring us this information.


^{The other parties don't have endorsement gifs like this, do they? I'm serious, do they?}

Bob Boudahili
Current speaker for life, and owner of Congress' only gavel. Look, he's really proud of the gavel, please don't bring up that it's plastic.

Melissa Rose
Winner of the Firefly cosplay contest, Melissa Rose has probably been in congress a few times before.

dmjohnston
DMJ tells me that if Feds win congress he still won't let us steal the treasury. That tells you how trustworthy he is.

Andy Dufresne
There's a con like me in every prison in America, I guess. I'm the guy who can get it for you. Cigarettes, a bag of reefer if you're partial, a bottle of brandy to celebrate your kid's high school graduation. Damn near anything, within reason. So when Andy Dufresne came to me in 1949 and asked me to smuggle Rita Hayworth into the prison for him, I told him no problem. And it wasn't.

Derphoof
Member of the Federalist animal outreach division, future resident of the Federalist GlueFactory condominiums, and first literal horse to be elected party president

Jd Jack Serenade
o7

also this is the coolest name in the game, I've always wanted to say that

Cthulhu..
Lovecraftian terror from the abyss, Cthulhu promises to not smite you if you vote Fed, even if you spell his name wrong.

Wuky69
Wuky is a great legislator, and always is willing to share his thoughts. Also:

nice

StrideR 83
Strider is Serbian, and also a Lord of the Rings dork. Make fun of him for both of these facts when you see him in Congress.

DataScientist
Congress is know for its ineptitude, luckily DataScientist is not only a great congressmember, but also a data scientist.

Buckwheat McCoy
What can I say, he's the real McCoy! Also probably the real Buckwheat. Reports vary.

Paul Proteus
Winner of a contest. Don't worry, this far down the list, he probably won't get in anyway.

Yui MHCP001
Proponent of Fed Unity. Possible weeb. Yui last seen mumbling "reeeeesource waaars" in his sleep.


Alright, that's enough. Go back to whatever you were doing before.

Yours,
In life, in death,
Paul Proteus