[Derp4PoTeUS] With a Little Help From My Friends

Day 4,792, 19:54 • Published in USA USA • by Paul Proteus
You have this need to be famous,
my therapist said, but I think
you should get a job first. If
you look at all the famous people,
they all had jobs. George Bush
never looks like he’s doing anything,
but he was once a President.You have
to start from somewhere. Otherwise
you’ll be famous inside
your own head, but so is everyone else.
-Hal Sirowitz


Mood Musik

Welcome to another edition of Goodbye Blue Monday. This is in a sense a party article. Derphoof has won the Federalist Primary. I am the poor soul tasked with letting you know.

But you can see that on the election page. And nobody reads anymore. (Un)luckily for you, I'm not quite done writing yet.

You see, Derphoof is a friend of mine. And something about Derphoof running for President makes me want to go above and beyond. So, like a bowl of cereal, there is a prize hidden below: a zombified, rusted, yet gen-u-ine Proteus Bump.

Let's get started~




Derphoof 4 CP: Derphoof and the Infinite Party


Our founding fathers would have found anthropomorphic horses to be abominations against God, but that didn't stop Derp

We start with formalities. The Federalist Party endorsed Derphoof overwhelmingly. He received 82% of our vote, garnering as many votes as Federalist candidates often do. To say that the Federalists trust Derphoof to govern effectively is an understatement. He has the full faith and enthusiasm of our party. And seriously, as the Federalist political director, I'm of course happy to get to write this article for Derphoof, the Federalist endorsed candidate. I like my party. But as Yui well knows, I'd be writing this article for Derphoof regardless.

Now on to the good stuff.

Derphoof 4 CP: Derphoof vs the World


The Proteus Bump, now in whiteboard and chalkboard formats

This game is long. Some of us have been here so long that our accounts are starting to practice for their bar mitzvahs. (This line will be much punchier in a few years when our accounts can drive, or drink, or see R rated films, but we work with what we're given). The point is, this isn't the first time Derphoof has run for President, and it likely won't be the last. And, loyal reader, you may recall this isn't the first time I've written in support of him. And it won't be the last. But if it seems that every action in this game is inevitable, that the same faces are always around, I think the truth is more tenuous. We are not here because we are trapped in some digital amber, even if some of us struggle to grasp sunk costs. We're here, by choice. We're here, no matter how much we whine or gripe, because, in some unconscious ledger. we all decide that it's worth it to stay.

Each of us decided this morning that today, on the 4792nd day of eRepublik's ignominious existence, it was worth logging in. That in spite of our obligations, our loved ones, and the weeds in our collective Animal Crossing towns, that it is worth throwing time, effort, and sometimes money, into the abyss that Plato provides us. Of course, we all do this for our own reasons. For me, and, I imagine, for many of us, that reason is less what than whom. We stay for the "community," but that's a bit misleading as well. Our community is made up of players, and fewer every day. So what do we truly stay for? We stay for the few enigmatic members of our online society who inspire us, who help us to imagine that we're doing something constructive here. That it's possible to rise above the toxic sludge that we all spend at least some time wallowing in. To that end, I truly believe that the most valuable asset to the eUS is not the strongest tank (though some will disagree) nor the most clever troll (again, some will disagree), but the players that keep the rest of us around.

Last time I wrote an endorsement for Derphoof, I made a similar argument. But, some things never change: The sun rises in the east, taxes suck, Evry's department still exists, and Derphoof is one of the reasons why I play this game.

Derphoof 4 CP: Derphoof's Finest Hour


Derp4CP Campaign HQ: i.e. rare image of me stalking Derphoof on a typical Tuesday

Now, hopefully what I am talking about is obvious. Derphoof is the kind of player who, even in 2020, wants to bring everyone into play. Derphoof's articles so far have been grounded entirely in finding where we all are, and moving the game to us. That's a special skill, and difficult waters to navigate. And honestly, whether he succeeds or not is to me somewhat beyond the point, what matters is he's playing with us, not with our ghosts.

Derphoof also is the rare kind of player who understands that this is a game, and not a series of pixelated grudges. I mean it's that too, but first and foremost it's a game. Playing with Derphoof is fun. When Derphoof saw that the game was stagnating despite a small boost in activity over the summer, he decided, f*** it, let's do eNPR. And to be honest, there's no way that should have worked, but it did. Doing eNPR with Derphoof has been exhilarating in a way that off-site shenanigans haven't been since...Hadrian? I want more of that.

It's easy to forget that we all play because sometimes, the rest of this game is fun too. And that's something I want, not just for myself, but for the eUS. And that's something you'll get with Derphoof as CP: fun. Weird, I know. But good.

Derphoof 4 CP: Derphoof Gets it Together


Derphoof studying politics

I want to make a final point. I have said a lot about what type of player Derphoof is, and not a lot about what kind of president. Now, to me, these are inextricable, but to many, they are not. Now, I don't feel the need to pontificate on Derphoof's record. He's been CP a lot, and hopefully that speaks for itself. Still, even as years pass, my own presidential term is never far from my mind. It was not a success. We were wiped when I came into office, and not a lot changed. But through it all, I was saved from complete burnout by an incredibly hard working Secretary of State who always was present, and enthusiastic, in pursuing what was best for the eUS community. I spent more time messaging him on a variety of social media platforms than I did on the Presidential Daily Briefings. It was, simply, more useful. That SecState was obviously Derphoof. I am not a subtle writer.

This is hardly the most important or interesting thing Derp has done for this community, but it resonates for me. It has always been clear to me, then, when Derp was an eCanadian new to executive politics, and now, after Derphoof has done more in this game than I ever wanted to, that Derphoof is really exactly who you should want as CP. He knows what to do, and somehow, he has the drive to actually accomplish his goals, no matter the circumstance.

These articles tend to ramble, and this is not exception. So I'll be brief.

Derphoof is a good player.

Derphoof is a good friend.

and Derphoof absolutely has my vote.



Yours in eternity,
Paul Proteus