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[Department of Fun] Survivalism

Day 2,311, 01:33 Published in USA USA by Aramec

Back to the same old song and dance...

So, About That Contest
Oh, you mean the one promising fabulous prizes and monies? The one my last article was all up in a tizzy about?

Yeah, that, unlike me, is still coming. We've had to tie down a couple of budget issues in the Department of Fun, though, due to some... "staffing cuts."

You see, when they gave me this lucrative gig as Minister of Fun, they didn't tell me that the location wouldn't be in the capitol, let alone an office building. In point of fact, it's at an abandoned island facility somewhere in California. In pointier fact, they even had the previous tenants forcibly removed for me.

Introducing the super secret and beautiful location of the newly refurbished Department of Fun.

I've been informed it was prime real estate.

Upon moving into my new facility, I was alarmed at the fact that they, they being the government, they being Gnilraps, had not actually given me anyone to work with. Unless you count young male interns as people, which I do not.

Say hi to Tim, everybody.

With me and my lonely staff scraping together what technology and systems we needed to broadcast that first article out to the general public, it became abundantly clear that no help was coming. Too many important things happening at dinner apparently. Something about people being hungry and there not being enough syrup to go around for the pancakes. I don't know. Fox isn't one of the stations this island's cable gets.

Spoiler: we get no cable.

So, marooned to my own devices, I requested a supply drop in order to give us, mainly being myself as I don't believe in interns, some sustenance. Additionally I requested along with that some funding so that our operations as Department of Fun would be greased along by the generous pockets of old uncle Gnil. They dropped the gold alright, but no food or tech, and wouldn't you know it but the drop landed right on the intern.

Say goodbye to Tim, everybody.

Now more alone than I ever was with a near useless pile of gold with which to please the ignoring masses I was so thoughtful about involving, and now thinking more and more Hungarian syrups, I soon realized I too was hungry.

Protip: long pig is much better served in sock juice than it is in a cardboard bouillabaisse.

Say hello to dinner, everybody.

I can't say it hasn't been fun on the island. I did some painting (don't ask where I got that paint), I made some new friends (myself), and some new enemies (myself). Overall, a good learning experience. And what it has taught me, I think is a valuable lesson for all of us:

Don't paint with ammonia based substances, cus you'll get more of a staining effect than a coating of anything.

But in all seriousness, folks, as much fun and games as the Department of Fun... and games... gets up to, we're a serious lot, and we take our lack of seriousness seriously.


Stay tuned for more great goings on from your local Minister of Loneliness.



Aramec Day 2,311, 01:33

I'm Aramec, and my best friend is a polecat.

Disco Musolini
Disco Musolini Day 2,311, 02:12

I'm not reading this until I get my bracket!

RaccoonGoon Day 2,311, 07:54

Poor Tim...

Here's hoping he was tender, at least.

Aramec Day 2,311, 10:26

As an idiot poet.

Jon Barack Bluejacket
Jon Barack Bluejacket Day 2,312, 20:26

He looks like he was pretty tasty. I mean, tender.

The Mike
The Mike Day 2,311, 11:24


Gnilraps Day 2,311, 13:45

You'll take what we give you and you'll like it.

Aramec Day 2,311, 20:11

It's dark in here, Gnilly.

Mister Y
Mister Y Day 2,312, 02:59


greeling Day 2,312, 11:40

I was the main person pushed for having you on that island. I felt like you needed something that resembled superjail, cause there is no place as fun as superjail.

greeling Day 2,312, 11:42

Also we aimed for the intern, cause lower class people (interns and prisoners) getting killed and superjail go together.

Jon Barack Bluejacket
Jon Barack Bluejacket Day 2,312, 20:18

I will remember Tim, who was horribly misused in my opinion.

Any shirtless pics of Tim. btw? It's for religious purposes, oc.

George Armstrong Custer
George Armstrong Custer Day 2,312, 23:07

well, that was certainly fun...

Aramec Day 2,313, 00:33

Custer, you old dog, was that a genuine compliment?

kirintaimu Day 2,313, 01:06

funned so hard i creamed my jeans

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