[DB-PF] The DB-PF Needs a Strong Master

Day 2,093, 14:28 • Published in South Africa Sweden • by Jizzie McGuire

The DB-PF is a proud party with traditions going back to the Black Lion Front and the Dignity Brigade itself, which has been fighting for a free eSA since the end of the 1st Liberation War in 2009. Despite its currently small numbers it can rightly claim to have some of eSA's most powerful and distinguished citizens like Gregor "Luscious" Lucius, Locutus and Luc Praetor. Considering the DB-PF's proud history, its noble mission, and respected membership, I ask you, does it deserve to have either of those two idiots running for PP as its Party President? My answer is, and yours should be, a resounding NO!

So who should be the next DB-PF PP? Should it be a co-founder of the BLF and the DB? That's probably a good idea. Should it be someone who has never advocated compromise or collaboration with Brazil? Well, yeah if the DB-PF wants to stay true to its goals and ideals. Should it be someone who garners respect, has the charisma that brings activity and new players, and who doesn't flip flop or molest small animals? I would say so if the party wants to be treated with dignity as the name implies. Should it be the guy who offended old BLFers and DB-PF members alike by erroneously changing the IA's name to "Black Lion Front" or a damn, dirty ape? Hells no!

Let's look at our options then. We have Rico Suave, who did indeed co-found the DB, but what was he doing when the BLF came to be? I'll tell you what he was doing. He was coming to eSA with a cadre of Swedish communist herring-chokers to PTO eSA, that's what. Sure, he was quickly won over to our side, thanks in large part to the charms and sweet talk of yours truly, and he has been a solid citizen ever since, but did he not go easy on Brazil during his terms as president? And how many innocent frogs and goats has he sexually violated in eSA? His twisted morality alone should disqualify him. Plus he's a friggin' monkey.

Then there's that creepy weirdo Claudio Kilgannon. This guy flip-flops on the Brazil question more than a fish out of water. Does he want to fight or make a deal? Well it depends on whose rear end he needs to kiss. During his administration, he couldn't get enough hot Brazilian love, but when Leon was in office, he was a bigger war hawk than Locutus. So what is it, you bloody discharge of oozing santorum? Where is the integrity, much less the dignity? And who will you let us get reamed by next? Those Indo Japs?

So where does that leave us? Well it leaves us with the only REAL option: Jizzie, AKA The Jizzer AKA Jizzle McGuizzle AKA Jizz, McGuire. I'm the only remaining BLF co-founder, I'm a co-founder and driving force behind the DB, and the only president of the three that actually fought BOTH Brazil and Indo. I can bring in new members with just a smile and as PP, I can show eSA that my commitment and ability would make me a brilliant CP, which would bring the DB-PF back to its rightful place in the sun. Plus I'm way more handsome than those two meatheads and am a man of the people unlike that stoopid monkey and that 1%er piece of sh*t.

So the decision is yours DB-PF members and those who will now join because you just realized that we are really that awesome. Do you want a frog-lover, a fighter or a sycophantic flip-flopper? No offense to Rico or Claudio, BTW.