[CHARTICLE] Introducing My Arch Nemesis

Day 5,169, 18:13 • Published in USA USA • by Chutley

Paul made that. He’s cool.
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Ok so I’m taking a break from regularly scheduled programming to follow up on two important things from my last article about Why I Left eRepublik.

Firstly, I retract the item about being threatened… it wasn’t that I actually was threatened, but it was a feeling. And I’m a sensitive caveman without much exposure to human enemies because typically I’m the Alpha male of my group. By that I mean I’m the only one who hasn’t been eaten by a sabertooth tiger (please don’t fact check whether I exist at the same time as sabertooth tigers) because I’m fast and also use my friends as human shields.

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Moving on to the main point:

I said I had no arch nemesis. Good news…I realized I do.


Drumroll:


















Yup, It’s Tom Waits.

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Just kidding - it’s Gnilraps. Here’s why:

This article

And also these great reasons:

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Election Party

He made me participate in what I think was called an election party? All the Federalists (or whatever we were) got into some chat room and, like, had a good time or whatever the night of an election. I think I was in charge of the party. Somehow we danced or gave drinks or played games? I really have no idea. It’s surreal. Also I was trashed. And elected the representative of Hawaii. Basically it was fun.

Crap…that’s not a reason to hate someone.

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He’s still here

You know how in Good Will Hunting there’s that thing where Ben Affleck desperately wants to show up one day at Matt Damon’s house and find out old Matty boy has left to pursue greener pastures? And then at the end it happens and Damon’s gone? That’s supposed to be this like emotional scene and we’re happy that Big D has split for the coast but I can’t help but think, “Say goodbye to your best friend you asshole.” Pretty sure he even brought coffee. What’s he supposed to do with that coffee?

So, every few years I show up in Gnilraps’ mailbox hoping he won’t return my message of “Hi” and I’m disappointed with him saying he’s still around because that means I can’t have the extra cup of coffee I brought with me.

Ok, and just so we’re clear - you all though about how he’s hunting for good will, right? What a lazy ass pun. Full disclosure though, I would love to write a movie where the villain’s name is Hugh Manscum. Works on a few levels. Protagonist and hero obviously is named Norm Aldude. Also, they live in an area called City Snutz.

What the hell was I talking about?


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4) Words that are only used with another specific word (typically)

Cranny needs "nook"

Proof: Hey man your kitchen has a great cranny.

Smithereens needs "blow" (so do I)

Proof: I was walking the other day and saw something totally in smithereens.

Gnilraps needs "dickhead"

Proof: Honestly I can’t even think of a context in which I might say Gnilraps without talking about him being a dickhead (please ignore all the times I’ve done that successfully in the past).

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I’m taking applications for more nemeses by the way. Please post credentials in chat.

Nemesingly,