[BNN] Broforce Entrance Application Results

Day 5,182, 21:39 • Published in USA USA • by Derphoof
Yes, Sarah is long dead and avatars have changed, but I’m not remaking this graphic

To The People of The United States of America:

We at the Broforce have long been engaged in a selection process to find new members of the Broforce, the nation’s most exclusive military unit. We launched our campaign to find new members seven years ago, and described out MU as follows:

“THE BROFORCE IS A DISGUSTINGLY ELITIST MU WHOSE SOLE PURPOSE IS TO KEEP THOSE INSIDE FROM THE DIRTY PLEBS ON THE OUTSIDE, AND GIVE THE ELITE A PLACE TO MOCK THE PLEBS FROM ON HIGH. IT IS SIMPLY A MASSIVE CIRCLEJERK FOR THOSE WHO CONSIDER THEMSELVES BETTER THAN EVERYONE ELSE.”

This has not changed. You are all still beneath us, and we do not respect you. Only most elite of the elite are allowed inside the luxurious clubhouse, home to the finest hookers, blow, and horses known to eRep. It is here that the game’s narratives are drafted. It is here that the world’s leaders meet to decide the fates of nations. It is here that Plato hangs out and makes gold flow like a torrent in the desert.

You see, Broforce is the mechanism by which the game operates. You have been bestowed the highest honor by even having been allowed to read this article.

For so long over these years, we have heard your cries:

“How long, O Broforce? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
How long must I take counsel in my soul
and have sorrow in my heart all the day?”

Your lamentations have been heard, and it has come time to reveal who has been granted entry into the Broforce. The answer?

None of you.

Yes, you have all been found lacking, in the eyes of the great ones.

Not one of you has been found fit to share in the glory of the power of the Broforce. Truly you shall say unto yourselves,

“My life is deprived of peace,
I have forgotten what happiness is,”

For you have been found wanting, by the Broforce. Not one of you possessed the strength of will necessary to abide by our code. Not a one of you possessed the secret knowledge of the Alby (Gold Be Upon Him). Not one of you could deduce the modern economics of Plato’s C**-Backed Currency System. Nobody could properly answer whether femboys were gay. And nobody answered correctly as to which Pony was the best in the MLP series.

These problems, amongst a myriad of many other disappointments, have caused us to deny everyone. Not only have all requests been denied, but we have also lost faith in the player-base of this game.

Truly, we have become even more snobby and elite.

I would ask that Dio have mercy on your souls, but we cannot be sure you have any at this point. May He guide you back to truth.

Yours in Disgusting Elitism,

The Broforce.