The Election That Wasn't

Day 1,497, 06:29 • Published in Ireland Ireland • by James Keiller

There was a flurry of political activity in eNorthern Ireland yesterday as refugees from all over occupied eBritain converged on the Emerald Isle in the hope of exercising their franchise thanks to an apparent bug in the system.

Within hours, Iain Keers, the man who once described the map of eIreland as looking like a Brandenburg Cake (sic), was on the UK forums proclaiming that it was the bug wot won it for Britain.

“Let's rally around this victory and get ready for the fightback. Losing regions sucks, but with a congress the Irish, French and Canadian forces have lost this war. “

Keers then made a gallant speech, declaring that the loss of Fortress London not once but three times, along with a wipe, far from being setbacks for eUK, were in fact resounding victories which should strike terror into the heart of its enemies. Keers concluded with a rousing call to eBritons to fight together. Which they promptly did as the thread descended into political recriminations and petty squabbling.

eUKers who found themselves unable to cast their vote complained without a hint of irony that there was
“a massive bug in the system”. Failing to recognise that the massive bug was the very fact that any eUK citizens could vote at all. Edit:The link to the relevant article in the eUK Media no longer works as the author has seen fit to remove it quietly.

As later explained by Kravenn,
“Even if some of ours were able to vote : we needed to keep a region from December 23, 23.59 to December 26 at 06.00. Unfortunately : We had NI back on December 24 and I don't think that we will have congress members”

Sadly, Kravenn turned out to be completely right and there will be no
Rump Parliament in Stormont to usher in the New Year.

And, as he set out on the lonely voyage from Larne back to Stranraer, a disgruntled Prime Minister of the former eUnited Kingdom, who only days ago was cracking jokes about meeting Frenchmen on Downing Street. was heard to lament, "And the bug was really a bug. This game couldn't get any more sh1t. We haven't got a congress".