Serious Political Analysis in the Age of Derphoof
Day 3,485, 15:23
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Published in USA 
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by
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by Paul Proteus
It was a bright cold day in April, and the clocks were striking thirteen
Glorious leader Derphoof will be governing this coming term should he win not from the Whitehouse, but from a particularly nice stable in upstate New York
Welcome to a very special Goodbye Blue Monday.
Addressing Concerns of Impartiality
Following a late night twitter rant on the part of what many suspect to be dear leader Derphoof's personal twitter account, many in the media have begun to question the veracity and integrity of the reporting done here at GBM. Some even have pointed out that Malarkey83, a prominent well respected business-ghost, is on the record saying that Paul Proteus, owner of the reputable institution, is "probably in love with Derphoof." This has been compounded by the fact that at the latest press briefing, only GBM was allowed to ask questions. While many institutions have pointed out that "Hiding behind that potted plant makes you look manly and presidential, sir. How do you manage to balance your work and personal life, and still be so so successful?" is hardly a question, we at Goodbye Blue Monday stand behind our brave reporters.
Washington - With the Derphoof administrations increasing
The President's personal account, found by journalists at the New York Times. Administration officials insist this does not reflect the President's actual views
On a related note, Goodbye Blue Monday would also like to report that as news is biased and thus dead (sad!) all of our writers have sadly been terminated. We would like to take this opportunity to reiterate that rumors that this is because they were leaking unflattering rumors about Derphoof's history as the manager in a particularly inhumane glue factory are fake news. Anyway the headline writers weren't fired, so here are several headlines sans stories:
-Derphoof Up in the Polls, Gloriously Offers to Put Democracy Out of its Misery in the eUS. Will Never Die, According to Personal Physician
-Derphoof Named Sexiest Pony-Man-Experiment-Gone-Wrong Third Year Running
-Derphoof Pulls the eUS out of Book Club Membership, "Washington DC Not Washington Irving" Repeated at Ralleys
-Derphoof's Lawyers: Ban on Members Who Removed rainy's Pony from the Budget "Not a Ban, just a Pause Until We Figure Out What's Wrong With Them"
That's a wrap. In serious news, sup guys. I'm around, just ethereal and shit~
Yours with love,
Lovable Dead guy and Shadow Secretary of Media in Perpetuity
Paul Proteus
Glorious leader Derphoof will be governing this coming term should he win not from the Whitehouse, but from a particularly nice stable in upstate New York
Welcome to a very special Goodbye Blue Monday.
Addressing Concerns of Impartiality
Following a late night twitter rant on the part of what many suspect to be dear leader Derphoof's personal twitter account, many in the media have begun to question the veracity and integrity of the reporting done here at GBM. Some even have pointed out that Malarkey83, a prominent well respected business-ghost, is on the record saying that Paul Proteus, owner of the reputable institution, is "probably in love with Derphoof." This has been compounded by the fact that at the latest press briefing, only GBM was allowed to ask questions. While many institutions have pointed out that "Hiding behind that potted plant makes you look manly and presidential, sir. How do you manage to balance your work and personal life, and still be so so successful?" is hardly a question, we at Goodbye Blue Monday stand behind our brave reporters.
Washington - With the Derphoof administrations increasing
The President's personal account, found by journalists at the New York Times. Administration officials insist this does not reflect the President's actual views
On a related note, Goodbye Blue Monday would also like to report that as news is biased and thus dead (sad!) all of our writers have sadly been terminated. We would like to take this opportunity to reiterate that rumors that this is because they were leaking unflattering rumors about Derphoof's history as the manager in a particularly inhumane glue factory are fake news. Anyway the headline writers weren't fired, so here are several headlines sans stories:
-Derphoof Up in the Polls, Gloriously Offers to Put Democracy Out of its Misery in the eUS. Will Never Die, According to Personal Physician
-Derphoof Named Sexiest Pony-Man-Experiment-Gone-Wrong Third Year Running
-Derphoof Pulls the eUS out of Book Club Membership, "Washington DC Not Washington Irving" Repeated at Ralleys
-Derphoof's Lawyers: Ban on Members Who Removed rainy's Pony from the Budget "Not a Ban, just a Pause Until We Figure Out What's Wrong With Them"
That's a wrap. In serious news, sup guys. I'm around, just ethereal and shit~
Yours with love,
Lovable Dead guy and Shadow Secretary of Media in Perpetuity
Paul Proteus
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This is all very serious true news.
Paul and I are in lesbians with each other.
Serious Election fraud Analysis of the Age of Derphoof
Where's the problem?
The problem is the multi-bump at hour 8th!
You dig mathematics, Derp?
The math shows nothing. Between the hours of 7:00-12:00 eRep is when many Americans wake up and get active.
The story here is that when Americans got active in the morning, my vote share increased.
Dinny won the majority of overnight votes. I gained 38 votes in those 4 hours. Dinny had 50 votes in the first four hours. By 7am he had 71 votes.
The rest of the day? Over 17 hours? He only picked up 58 votes. I picked up 89. Dinnyin's voting rate slows down when RL Americans show up.
If he had picked up more in the American daytime hours, he would've won.
*on mobile atm, so numbers may not reflect exact times
[removed]
And you dear Melissa will get a Famous Point.
I think that would actually be my first! Cool
Don't get used to it.
you sound like a blast at parties.
sup MR ^__^
sup paul
The other L word.
voted for lesbians
That's all fine and good, but what do you think about this?
https://youtu.be/CqRFXQJ2ghQ
Paul is the second best writer in all of eRep !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
hell yeah Upstate New York
LOL
07
1 page thing, but still, tldr
bien